Eff you Matthew mcconaghay. Eff you. Im not even sure if I spelled your name right, but I really don’t care. You enrage me. you are so god-awful In every sense of the word. I’ll admit it, when I was like 14 I might have had a crush on you, but it was more of a “well I guess everyone else does so I might as well too” sort of like a gay kid convincing himself that Britney spears circa 1999 is hot. Except I was the gay kid. Anyways.. I hate you. You are a stoner doofus and for some reason you keep getting paid. I guarantee there is a picture of you shirtless on the beach doing pushups for every day of the year. Even leap years Matthew. Even leap years. And then when you even bother putting on a shirt its never buttoned up and there is a 87% chance its white linen. GOD.
And your movies. They are as the French say, le terrible. You arent charming in any way at all, and your acting is sub par at best. You are the stoner loser man equivalent to Sandra bullock. Ya, I said it. You are in at least one romantic comedy a year, and I hate romantic comedies almost as much as I hate you so you can guess how well this is going to work out. God damn it you are so generic and terrible.
Also, maybe I’m the only one getting this vibe, but im just going to throw it out there. You look like you would slap a woman in the face. Yes that’s right. You would slap a woman right in the face and somehow turn it around using your “southern charm” to make it seem ok. You would probably say something like “alright, alright, alright baby, you know that was an accident, I meant to lovingly caress your cheek but im just too powerful from all those shirtless beach pushups and don’t know my own strength” and then you would put on a pair of sunglasses and possibly play the bongos. Fuck I hate you. You are an abusive husband matthew, and the movie going public is your crying wife.
You are god-awful good sir, and no amount of high naked bongo playing will ever get you in my good books.