Amy Winehouse. Ugh. I hate you so much it makes me want to learn a second language to even more so convey how much I hate you. Or possibly convey how much I hate you through the magic of song. Anyways, you are just the worst. Even when you weren’t as insane as you are now I still hated you. I’m proud of this fact because It makes me feel like im not a bandwagon jumper, or its second cousin, the coat tail rider. But let me go on about how awful you are amy.
Now when you first appeared on the scene I noticed something other may not have at first. That you are missing a godamn tooth for one. The only people that are allowed to be missing teeth are boxers and old tymey prospectors. I don’t see you with either a gold pan or a pair of boxing gloves, so that brings me to the conclusion that you are a fucking scumbag. This was still back in the day when your beehive hairdo was “quirky” and “charming” you did not charm me miss winehouse. As a side note, my boyfriend once told me you were hot. Yes, that’s right. And when I pointed out the horrible random tattoos and awful make up and yes, even your missing tooth, he replied “she’s hot in like a gnarly way” this was when you didn’t weigh as much as a seven year old child and still had breasts and I assume a menstrual cycle, so I let it slide. Now that you are a disgusting hobgoblin I like to occasionally rub it in my boyfriends face.
“hey matt, what do you want for dinner? Oh remember when you said amy ‘more crack please’ winehouse was good looking?”
“I know the rattlesnake venom is spreading quickly and we need to get to the hospital, but I just need to stop and tell this woman waiting for the bus that you used to have a thing for amy winehouse”
some people may think I’m picking on you amy, but let me refrence this old chestnut of a youtube video in which you handle hairless baby mice and make them talk in weird voices about how your husband is in jail.
now amy, its not your singing that I hate, remember when you used to sing? No I imagine you don’t. its really just everything about you that I hate amy. now I’ll admit I thought the pictures of you wandering around barefoot in your bra at night were a bit funny and I liked to give you the benefit of the doubt, you might be a werewolf and you just transformed back into human form, but im sure the bra would have ripped off. the only conclusion is that you are a drug addled lunatic.but its not funny anymore amy. just stop. im not saying kill yourself, im just saying I have a stool and a length of rope if you were ever to need one. i don’t understand how you arent in jail. If an insane toothless woman wearing short shorts and a bra top came up to me rambling about god knows what in a british accent, I would call the po-po, but apparently its ok if it’s amy friggin winehouse. This woman should be used for a science experiment to see how many days straight people can inject crack into their eyeballs without dying. I think shes on month 4 now. If were to ever have children I would probably kidnap them and let them run free in the wild. Baloo and bagheera seemed to do a pretty good job. I guess what im trying to say is that a wild panther and an overweight bear are better people then you.
You are god-awful.