Infomercials: a review.

1. Snuggie.

Pros-

  • -makes you look like a cult member
  • -keeps you warm
  • -helps you answer the phone more efficiently apparently
  • -you can masturbate in secret under it
  • -owning it will prevent your heater from emitting cartoon dollar signs
  • -comes with creepy extending robot flashlight

Cons-

  • -the name snuggie is super creepy
  • -is essentially 2 blankets sewn together
  • -looks like a fleece abortion
  • -just the worst idea ever
  • -all street cred void if you get caught wearing this
  • -creepy extending robot flashlight will probably arrive pre-broken

2. sham-wow!

Pros-

  • -has an exclamation mark at the end
  • -people on youtube seem to like it
  • -more efficent way for me to clean up bloodstains from my garage
  • -host is really passionate about shammy cloth
  • -please stop shouting at me, ill buy one
  • -can re drink spilled soda once strained into bowl
  • -could potentially be used as diaper in a pinch

Cons-

  • -its just a fucking shammy
  • -if you buy it at a state fair you might have to say “sham…WOW!” in unison with a friend
  • -you’d look like a total tool if you did that
  • -i dont own a boat, rv, or house. thanks for rubbing it in.
  • -bad news for the paper towel industry

3. rejuvenique

Pros-

  • -good tool for scaring children
  • -better to look at then your mess of a wife
  • -would make a good death shroud
  • -they put fake eyebrows on it, thats dedication
  • -my facial zones could use toning

Cons-

  • -could potentially electrocute you
  • -might be reason for 9/11
  • -ill never sleep again
  • -husband will most definitely leave you if he catches you wearing it
  • -mommy, where is daddy going?
  • -daddys going to go on a vacation for awhile

4.hawaii chair


Pros-

  • -women might be able to achieve orgasm if you squeeze your legs tight enough together
  • -pretty good jingle, possible ipod addition?
  • -gives you an excuse to wear gaudy Hawaiian shirts
  • -thats about all i have.

Cons-

  • -there is no way you could ever write straight sitting in this thing
  • -makes anything you say to a female co worker instantly creepy
  • -you look like a total jackass
  • -would make accidental fart leaks increase 56%

5. tiddy bear




Pros-

  • -name sounds like titty bear
  • -clever.
  • -bear feels soft against supple breasts
  • -erotic?
  • -seems to shut these bitches up about their shoulder pain

Cons-

  • -seems like something a pedophile would own
  • -is the seatbelt really that uncomfortable you jerks?
  • -bear would probably start to stink in the summer months
  • -would probably end up with alot of kids grabbing your tits
  • -just the stupidest thing ever
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1 Response to “Infomercials: a review.”


  1. 1 Ashli March 6, 2009 at 1:36 am

    Aaaaaannnnd I’m crying.


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