for your entertainment, i will delve deep into the bowels (and i do mean bowels) of the internet to bring you the weirdest fanfictions ever. i plan on this being a normal installment, as there is an endless stream of shiver inducing fanfiction on the internet.i plan on highlighting the unsung heroes of fanfiction, the shows and movies you never thought someone could possibly care enough to write about. well this is the internet good sir, so get ready for your mind to be blown. now for those of you not familiar with the concept of fan fiction, heres an example. now most people watch a show and if they like it they tell their friends to watch it or start to watch it weekly and get emotionally involved with the plot and characters. some people watch a show and instantly decide to write long pointless stories of the main characters solving mysteries and then fucking each other. that is fanfiction.
now, not all fanfiction is not safe for work, but alot of it is creepy in its own right, it just creeps you the fuck out to read it and know that someone loves gilmore girls enough to write about the two main characters like going shopping or making out or some shit. the only thing creepier would be knowing there was fanfiction about you. but if i was famous i would google myself all day and hope people made hilarious .gif files of me. anyways, here is the first review of creepy fanfiction.
the subject- Teletubbies
this particular story is called “madness” and is apparently a murder mystery. oooh exciting! but how could someone possibly write a story about puppets who dont even really talk? lets get this crazy train rolling.
“Detective John Munch is a hopeless romantic. Hard to believe, but it was true. All of those marriages, he had really believed that they would work out. He realizes now that he had never felt love like this. Those other relationships were just training for the Olympics of Love he was now living in.
He was in love with Tinky-Winky. And Po.”
wow, this story has it all. intrigue. a guy named john, and a weird love triangle with alien(?) puppets whose creation was no doubt created by someone high on various opiates. why is he a detective and in what context do normal people and teletubbies live side by side and are apparently allowed to participate in double marriages. you know what, i just assumed they were all married because it sickens to me to my very core to think that a man would live in sin with not one but two teletubbies.
“Ah, Clinic Duty-Runny noses and paranoid parents.
House can’t help stick his tongue out juvenilely at a concerned mother as she exits the waiting room- she was set on the fact her son had some sort of horrible contagious rash when, in fact, he had drawn on himself with a magic marker.
“Wait.” He says out loud, spotting something in all his years in this damned clinic he has never seen. “Is that…a…teletubby?”
A man in his sixties rushes over to House, holding a purple…thing…in his arms, and what House can only guess is Tinky-Winky and Po following him, “Dr House? I’m John Munch. My baby, she’s sick.”
ok, holy shit you guys, apparently this is fucking house/teletubbie cross over. what in the holy god was this person thinking? who loves both of these shows? they aren’t even in the same realm of similarities. i could understand like a house/greys anatomy crossover since they’re both about doctors. but wtf is this about.i probably should have read ahead before starting this article, but fuckit. i like how in this excerpt house is all “hey…is that a teletubby?” and that’s about it, like saying “hey…is that a puppy wearing a sweater?” if i saw this fucking thing i would probably run to the nearest exit, but not before pushing down whoever stood in my path, young or old.
also, apparently this john dude fucked a teletubby and produced some mistake of god that this surly tv doctor must now fix. who wrote this? like who was sitting there at work thinking “hmm you know i could go fishing with derek this weekend, butttt i think i might stay home and finally start my great american novel. about teletubbies. and house. fucking.”
you know what it would be like if you found this in your loved ones home? it would be like the scene in the shining when wendy finds jacks manuscript but all it says is “all work and no play make jack a dull boy” over and over again. only finding this would be way more fucking creepy. if they ever remake that movie they should put this fucking story in that pile instead, oh and they should also make the wife hotter. im just saying. but i digress, lets read on i guess since we’ve gone this far.
“Hey Blue! Guess what?” Joe shouts across his tiny red-and-yellow household.
“Ruff?” Blue responds.
“We have a new case! We got to solve the mystery of the disappearing toothpaste!” Joe says enthusiastically.
“Ruff ruff bark barrrrrk!”
“Yeah, call Magenta and Periwinkle. We’ll need all the help we can get.”
ok. seriously. im sorry guys. i guess this is a house/teletubby/blues clues fanfiction. i honestly am speechless. i have no idea how or why anyone would ever connect these all together. and im seriously just taking sections from one story, actually this is all in the first chapter. was the guy like stuck on the plot for this and happened to look over and see blues clues playing? “EUREKA!” he shouted as he furiously began typing away. fucking. creepy. i cant really back out now, so lets keep scarring ourselves shall we?
Chase rolls his eyes and doesn’t look up from his crossword.
“Look, House. This is clearly someone’s idea of a joke. How hard is it to make up a teletubby costume?” Cameron asks, irritated that they were brought in on a Sunday for this.
House talks into his office, “I checked, the fuzzy’s not fake. Now run a blood panel and get the kid a CT.”
ok thats how it ends. so i guess this was a pretty big fuck you since its only one chapter. but im far too lazy to go back and find another fanfiction right now since im already sketched out about someone finding me looking at fanfiction.net but uhh yea. wow. we really uhh i guess found out more about the human pysche? in that people are fucking crazy. wow. i should almost email this to the guy who plays house with the subject line “run for your life”
i also think if i was a doctor and someone had apparently had sex with a weird alien animal and produced something fuzzy that was clearly a mistake of nature, i would probably just kill it and claim it died on the operating table. but then again i would do that if a kid was too fat or had a wonky eye. and i guess thats why im not a doctor. but uh next time i’ll find one thats actualy finished so we can have some closure. but im going to play devils advocate here and assume this story ended up house and the john guy fucking, or the teletubbies and house fucking, or just any combonation of characters fucking. maybe in really cool locations like outer space, wow that would be awesome.