assorted things that fill me with rage

1. when commercials get played back to back accidentally

i would love to see this twice in the span of a minute

i would love to see this twice in the span of a minute

ahh i dont want to see the same subway commercial twice. why does this happen? and it never happens with really funny commercials that you actually want to see more then once.

when i was like 15 there was a commercial of a kid on a swingset who suddenly had a seizure and fell off and then his friends try to give him a tube of m and m minis to help him, but the other friend is like “oh no, lets go to the hospital” anyways, its a commercial for like seizure awareness or maybe m and m minis.

these WILL cure seizures

these WILL cure seizures

but when i saw this i literally fell off a chair laughing. me and my friend Jess just stared at each other as soon as it was over and then burst into laughter for a good 5 minutes. my point is, that commercial was never seen by either of us ever again and we couldnt ever fully convey how amazing it was to any of our friends. why couldnt that commercial be on twice in a row instead of one for a furniture warehouse?  jesus christ.

second only to this annoyance is when a commercial is outrageously loud for the station that its on. im chillin out havin a good time watching king of queen reruns and boom! and an obnoxiously loud commercial for a used car superstore comes on and i nearly have a stroke. if you are from canada, you have to know that shaw cable commercials are the worst offenders of this.

2. people that have answering machines that start with “hello?”

you are a cruel mistress

you are a cruel mistress

fuck i hate these and i fall for them on a regular basis. i am aware that having a hilarious answer machine message is a point of pride for alot of people,but this is the lowest of the low. its even worse when its like “hello? hello?…….haha gotcha! leave a message!” i hope you like messages threatening your mothers life because thats all you’re going to get from me.

"YOU ARE UN INVITED TO MY BIRTHDAY"

"YOU ARE UN INVITED TO MY BIRTHDAY"

the only other phone faux pas that pisses me off as much is when people say “ciao” at the end of conversations or if they answer the phone by saying “talk to me” you guys are assholes and probably one in the same. i really like it when people answer their phones just by saying “yes” or stating their names because it seems really offical and if you answer your phone by saying your last name, you can pretend you’re an FBI agent which is also really fun.

3. girls that call their friends bitches and/or sluts all the time

so.. your dad tell you he loves you lately?

so.. your dad tell you he loves you lately?

nothing pisses me off more when girls call their friends bitches or slut in a friendly sort of way, like “hey bitch i missed you” or “oh you slut, love your outfit”  at least switch it up a bit, “hey tramp nice shoes” or “yo bignose, wheres my drink?” that last one would be good to use on big nosed waitresses. my point is, dont do this girls.  it makes you sound like an idiot and if you add fierce to the beginning it makes me want to throw a chair at you and then sterilize you.  and the irony is the type of girls who use this slang are usually actual sluts or bitches.

you bitch.

you bitch.

if i hear a girl say this without seeing her i instantly know she has french tip nails and a pussycat dolls song as her ringtone. she also probably wears ugg boots and fake chanel earrings. WE KNOW THEY’RE FAKE STOP WEARING THEM.

4. shitty straight to dvd sequels

boogeyman 2..oh, wait, 3? what the fuck?

boogeyman 2..oh, wait, 3? what the fuck?

hey so what are we on now? bring it on 5? apparently a glimpse of a girls sport shorts and inane bickering between rival cheerleaders is a top seller…in the walmart dvd bin.  its totally unnecessary and sometimes it ruins the movies we all love.

once around christmas one year,  my friend was staying at my house and we were hungover i assume and home alone 3 was playing on tv. we decided to watch it for some dumbass reason and within like the first 10 minutes it was revealed that the mcallisters broke up and this is like mr.mcallisters new wifes kid or some shit. clearly, we  were both heartbroken and i went on an insane rant that lasted for several minutes while he continued his drinking. my point is, what the fuck hollywood? did you really think we would ever want to think of the mcallister family breaking up? i mean sure the wife was a bit of a harpy, but they truly loved each other as was revealed by the amount of holidays they took without that asshole kevin.

still waiting..to be in a legit movie. (HIYO!)

still waiting..to be in a legit movie. (HIYO!)

i literally just saw an ad for waiting part 2. was waiting all that good to begin with? was the sequel really needed? the best part of direct to dvd sequels or prequels is when it shows the names of the actors on the cover like we really know who these assholes are. the only people that are stoked on the names being on the cover are relatives of the actors and maybe the actors themselves if they havent already killed themselves or gone into porn.

5. Kim Karahdaisihanan

i suddenly crave ham

i suddenly crave ham

why are you famous? i honestly dont get it. at first i thought she was a closet organizer to the stars because i think i read that somewhere, and then i guess she was in an “accidentally leaked” porn with some other guy ive never heard of and now i guess she has a reality show with her sisters who all look alot like german shephards. ok so is she really rich? or an heiress like paris hilton? i dont understand. plus i can never pronounce her last name properly which is just the cherry on my cake of rage. oh and her ass is really shockingly huge.

kim frolicking in her backyard..naked i might add.

kim frolicking in her backyard..naked i might add.

as someone who is minus an ass, im a little jealous but then the longer i see pictures of her i feel upset for her because i bet her farts are super loud just because the circumfrence of that thing stacks the odds against her. i typed “kim ass” into google images and all the pictures were of her. that is so wrong. so basically what i understand about her is that she has a hard to pronounce name, might be puerto rican and is famous for having a big ass. is this correct? oh and 90% of the time i think i see a picture of her it turns out to be that girl from the pussycat dolls or a police dog

kim and her dad

kim and her dad

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4 Responses to “assorted things that fill me with rage”


  1. 1 Bryant March 13, 2009 at 10:19 pm

    Haha, wasn’t that you and me laughing at the seizure ad? Or was that a different one. Either way Brenda wasn’t impressed

  2. 2 Ashli March 13, 2009 at 10:34 pm

    I still tell people about that Mini M&M ad.

    Also, the Kardashians are on Dr. Phil right now. I guess OJ Simpson was known to them as “Uncle OJ”. Uhhhhh…

  3. 3 My Bobby Bob Bob March 14, 2009 at 7:51 am

    Man, that whole Boogyman 3 things was a shock to me at Rogers. Hell, I didn’t even know there was a Boogyman 2!

    Also, you need to discuss the Self checkout and the irony of the woman who stands and watches… so Kafka-esque.

  4. 4 Butcher March 15, 2009 at 8:04 am

    I must agree with number 2……scary shit right there


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