movie/tv villians that scare the fuck out of me

1. the spider gremlin from gremlins 2

lady gaga

pictured: lady gaga

holy fuck i love gremlins, but honestly only the second one. i know, im a fake. but anyways, remember when the gremlins eat all those crazy potions in the science lab and turn into hilarious things? oh that was a fun time. but then one ate a spider potion and i didnt sleep that night. thanks alot gremlins. basically, i loved the smart gremlin because he had a pipe and he shot another gremlin in the face.

i hope he's single!

i hope he's single!

but as amusing as the others were,  the spider one was simply terrifying. i remember some dumb bitch got stuck in its web and it made possibly the creepiest noise ever as it descended upon her skank ass. it really combined my greatest fears – a horrible spider and a weird monster, oh and it was huge so that was great.

2. the bad guy from roger rabbit, but only at the end.

did you get contacts?

did you get contacts?

i honestly cant watch the last 10 minutes of this movie to this day because of this sick fuck. i cant believe someone actually put this in the movie

“yea yea, then lets have his eyes pop out after getting run over by a steamroller, and make him stagger around all insane and talk in a crazy voice, oh by the way – i hate children”

fuck you christopher lloyd. anyways, you guys remember this right? i cant be the only one who was emotionally scarred by this. the movie just takes a totally psychotic turn for the worse and i never fully recovered. its like “oh sweet roger rabbit is funny and his wife is hot.. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT”

great, now im sexually confused. thanks alot.

great, now im sexually confused. thanks alot.

and i remember when i was little watching this and thinking the scene lasted like 20 minutes but its actually only probably 5 minutes. it seemed like an eternity to me and i just wanted it to be off the screen so we could see more of jessica rabbit being a whore.

3. Donnie Pfaster from the xfiles

"hello, mind if i play with your blood for awhile?"

"hello, mind if i play with your blood for awhile?"

ok so as you all know i love this show an insane amount and i recently bought all of them on dvd. now i missed several episodes when they aired on tv and i guess i missed this one because it scared the fuck out of me like last month and i had no clue it was coming. theres tons of scary ass mofos in this show but this one was the scariest because it could really happen. IT COULD!

basically this guy is insane and kills women with red hair but first he washes their hair and does their nails and oh my god what a freak. so you can see where this is going, he clearly kidnaps scully and throws her in a closet while mulder screams at people and runs around trying to find her.

"well, shes not in the ocean...the search continues"

"well, shes not in the ocean...the search continues"

so while i was watching this i was alone and it was like 2 in the morning and i got so scared because A) im a redhead naturally and B) i dont have a handsome monotoned man who could rescue me and shoot this guy in the face. so i did what any logical 23 year old woman would do. i drove to my boyfriends house and woke him up and slept over. when he answered the door and i explained the situation he literally asked “well is scully ok?” and that is when i realized i want to marry him. oh and she was ok and then she even got a hug from mulder afterwards (jealous)

4.  the Candyman have something in your mouth.. have something in your mouth..

i do not fuck around with candyman or his woman counterpart, bloody mary. (could you imagine if they got together? oh my god) anyways, if we ever hang out (yes please!) do not ever put me in a room and say candyman three times, i will end you once i stop weeping and shaking. anyways, this movie is actually pretty fucking terrible but i like that they made the candyman black because that seems very forward thinking for a movie from the 90’s about a man who kills people through a mirror. kudos to you!

this is what Rosa Parks would have wanted.

this is what Rosa Parks would have wanted.

oh and there was bees involved as well which was great since i  wasnt already freaking out about the giant hook hand, now i have bees to worry about. i guess he was fucking some white chick in the 1800’s and got caught so they logically put bees on him and cut off his hand, if i wrote the movie i probably would have called him “Beeman” but whatever i guess.

5. the creepy no talk guys from that one episode of buffy

whats so funny assholes?

whats so funny assholes?

yes thats right, i used to watch buffy. i actually used to love this show but then i think i forgot about it for a year and when i tried to watch it again it was really off the wall so i just gave up. anyways, have you guys ever seen this episode? its fucking so scary! so scary that i used an exclamation mark

basically these ghouls just randomly come around and then steal peoples voices and then kill them because they cant scream for help. oh my god! thats scary! oh and they’re always smiling all fucked up like, which is offputting in its own right.

i think this episode won an award because it was pretty good and theres barely any talking in it but the actors still did a good job.but watching this episode is hard because i like to do other random things while im watching tv and just listen but thats impossible, oh and its hard to fart in quiet when theres no background music. oh and if the washroom is anywhere near the tv room forget about it (we can all hear you pee)

your worst nightmare

your worst nightmare

anyways, i got really scared by this and if it was on tv again i would watch it and then probably snuggle with my cat all night while he struggled to escape.


2 Responses to “movie/tv villians that scare the fuck out of me”

  1. 1 My Bobby Bob Bob March 14, 2009 at 7:45 pm

    I agree on the creepy no talking guys from Buffy who steal hearts. After I saw that episode, those guys plagued my dreams for weeks! Fuck. I can’t even EXPLAIN how much they scare the shit out of me. Great. Now I’m not going to sleep tonight.

  2. 2 Ashli March 15, 2009 at 5:25 am

    I agree with every one of these.

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