what the hell is twitter?

seriously. im asking a serious question here, what the hell is twitter?



i dont get it, is it a blog? but it seems like you can only write a small amount in limited space. really the only thing i understand about twitter is that shaquille o neal has it and updates it with poorly spelled nonsense all the time. if i was the owner of twitter i would probably ban his account because hes making a mockery of the establishment. plus he has a lazy eye i think, and no one needs that promoting their business.

ok so according to wikipedia (my lord and savior)  if you have a twitter i guess you can just update the random shit that you do throughout the day. or  instead of that, you could text people, or phone people, or update your facebook, or shout it from a megaphone “I LOVE MY BESTIES!! LOLLLLLL” imagine that getting yelled at you from a blimp. thats the future my friends.



oh and when you are twittering, its called a tweet. well isnt that fucking precious and not retarded sounding in any way. i dont really see the point of this. at all. but i guess i have a blog so dont look like the fucking asshole. but twitter seems like a really shitty version of a blog. twitter is like the direct to dvd rip off of a popular movie that they try and trick you into renting by ripping off the font and graphics of the original movie.

“oh hey honey, i rented us transformers…transmorphers? what the fuck??”

damn it china, you screwed me again.

damn it china, you screwed me again.

this is just becoming a bit too much for me, literally anything any dumbass wants to broadcast about themselves is out there for the world to see. the kind of people that twitter all the fucking time are probably the same people that constantly change their facebook relationship status from “in a relationship” to “its complicated” to “single” in the span of a weekend. we get it, you’re an idiot.

"its complicated"

"its complicated"

if i had a twitter i would update it with the most reprehensible things i could imagine to see if someone would call the cops on me, and some fucking dumbass would im sure. the thing i hate about set ups like that is it is almost impossible to get sarcasm across properly, so you always come off looking like a total jerk or people call you thinking you’re going to kill yourself.

im also really bad at figuring out technology so i would probably have a nervous breakdown trying to get this fucking thing to work,my first 10 entries would just be “IS THIS WORKING?  I DONT GET IT” and then a few entries with the number 9 repeated several times.

my first twitter.

my first twitter.

do you update it from your phone or your computer? if you update it from your phone you are probably paying out the ass to declare “i loved confessions of a shopaholic” to complete strangers. im surprised there hasnt been a horror movie where the killer stalks his prey by lurking their facebook accounts and twitter feeds.

“ah ha! shes at heathers girls night, and according to her twitter feed, that whore rebecca is there so shes going home early, ill murder her at 11. but i better update my status to reflect that”

are you listening wes craven? throw in a guy with knives on his face and you have yourself a summer blockbuster.


1 Response to “what the hell is twitter?”

  1. 1 bonnie bishop May 3, 2009 at 3:28 am

    fucking brilliant, someone answered my prayers, lovely writing. i still don’t know what the hell is a blog, and do i need one? how do u blog? i have a myspace, a tagged acct. & am trying to figure if i even need twitter.com. tx for article. bb

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