goddamn it i hate tyra banks. she is so fucking useless and talks exclusively about herself.every single sentence that comes out of this bitches mouth include the words diversity, struggle, obstacles, and of course I.
she honestly pisses me off to no goddamn end. if you are a white jewish male aged 45, tyra has a a story about herself to apply to your life. if you are a baby sea turtle who was just born and is struggling to get towards the ocean, tyra has a story about herself to apply to your life. we get it tyra, you think you are jesus. last time i checked jesus wasnt a washed up model that constantly calls things fierce. fuck!
oh my god and americas next top model, its so so terrible now. i used to watch this show religiously basically because the first episode i saw involved a girl getting called a whore on the phone by her crying boyfriend. i was hooked from that moment. unfortunately, just like that first hit of heroin, that high was not to be repeated. the show is just a big soapbox for tyra to talk about herself and yell at the girls who fuck up. oh my god its just a trainwreck. and then the girls always do photoshoots that tyra did already but of course, she did it much better if you ask her goofy ass. plus the winners go nowhere and probably end up being tyras personal poison tester or some shit after the show ends. because you know people try and poison her.
oh my god and remember when she got called fat in that bikini photo? good lord call the cops, an unflattering photo was taken of a celebrity who is constantly in the public eye. stop the goddman presses. im not even a celebrity but i can count offhand at least a dozen terrible photos of me floating around the internet. but do i host an hour long show in the same outfit i was filmed in and start screaming about how beautiful i am? no. i just punch whoever posted the photo right in the goddamn face the next time i see them. but she seriously went to the lengths of getting a cardboard cutout of that picture and standing next to it in the same bikini while going on an insane rant ending with her proclaiming that people should “kiss my fat ass” um no thank you tyra, i dont know where that ass has been.
but honestly, get the fuck over it tyra. no one gives a shit about you anymore. we get it, you’re fierce and proud of your curves. do you know what this fuckwit gave miley cyrus for her 16th birthday? a friggin picture of herself when she was 16. im sure that went over well. i bet the inside of mileys sock drawer loves seeing that picture because you damn well know thats where she put it. either that or she put oh i dunno, a photo of herself or a friend in the frame and burned the tyra picture. honestly, i dont have that much money but i know for a fact i could have come up with a better present for miley cyrus. a fucking bag of skittles is a better present than that.
i cannot believe she has a talk show. who decided she had the credentials to run a talk show? i want that man to be beaten to death in an alley by russian mobsters. i cannot stand listening to her talk for more then 15 minutes and i know i cant be alone on this. the only way i could stand her for maybe 45 minutes would be if i thought i had a chance to fuck her. but since im a straight woman, that isnt ever going to fuckin happen. plus whenever she has a male guest on she just goes off for the entire interview time about how good looking they are and rubs their legs. you know as soon as the show is over she awkwardly tries to initiate oral sex but it never happens. not even a handjob tyra, thats how terrible you are.
honestly, she fucking thinks shes the smartest person alive. i bet she routinely bursts into laboratories doing cancer research exclaiming she knows the cure and its soooo fierce. the only other person as douchey as her is Bono. i would pay to see Bono and Tyra have a debate where they had to debate that the other person was the best person in the world, im pretty sure their heads would explode and we would probably make that day a national holiday.