1. dog blowjob from the shining
whenever i tell people about this, probably less then half know what im talking about. it is hands down the most fucked up scene in this entire movie and alot of people dont even notice it.but thanks to the glory of youtube, here it is for your viewing pleasure. also if you cant sleep after reading this list, feel free to pass the time by making a loving mspaint painting for me. (yes please!)
anyways, what the fuck! am i right? and you know what upsets me the most about this? that wendy just sees it and just sort of runs away from it but doesnt really investigate further or mention it to anyone, and it never comes up again. that is the kind of stuff that creeps me out the most, just really offputting mental images that scare you but you arent sure why. but i guess a guy in a dog mask giving a blowjob doesnt really fit in that category. plus he looks alot like barf from spaceballs.
also, if this dog is giving away free blowjobs i would totally be in, so wendy also dropped the ball in that sense. anytime i think of this movie i instantly recall this scene and i once told a guy at blockbuster about it but he didnt believe me at all and i came off sounding like a weird dog blowjob fetishist. cant win them all i suppose.
2. boat ride in the original willy wonka
when i was younger i used to watch this movie all the time and i really loved the opening scene where it just showed candy being made because im a weirdo. what i seem to have forgotten was this little ditty of a scene. holy shit. why is this in the movie? my mind obviously thought it was as disturbing and traumatizing as being molested or witnessing a drowning, so it blocked it out. thats right, my brain thinks a movie scene from a childrens movie is on par with being touched in a barn by a stranger. dont ask me why my fictional molesting took place in a barn, it just seems like a good place to molest people.
anyways, do you guys remember this? what the fuck is the point? i mean, the song hes singing is fucking creepy enough but then they throw in weird scenes of bugs – nay- millipedes crawling all over some guy and a lizard snapping its mouth. at what point did they think this was necassary? did they not do movie screenings back in the 60s? i could only imagine seeing this on a big screen, holy shit i would lose my mind! this gives me the feeling that the guy who wrote it was all stoked on kids but then came home one night and found out a bunch of hooligans toilet papered his house so he was like “oh fuck this, i’ll show those little brats by putting a terrifying acid trip of a scene in an otherwise acceptable childrens movie”
and you would think if you were on this boat ride as soon as you got off you would be all “holy shit wonka, what the fuck was that all about??” or you could just punch him directly in the gut with no explanation. i would probably take the latter. but no one says a goddamn thing about it, maybe there was a scene we missed where wonka held up a pistol and threatened to kill everyone if they ever told what they saw.
3.pennywise from IT in sewer
i am still deathly afraid of sewer grates and assorted unexplained holes because of this grimy asshole. fuck you pennywise! but what a sweet name for a clown, did you know that the old tymey bikes with the big wheels are called penny farthings? its true. but i guess that doesnt really have anything to do with this, its just a sweet name. anyways so this guy i guess just waits in sewers until kids drop shit down there accidently. he must be stoked when kids play street hockey.
this is really creepy to me because before i saw this i never worried that a man in a clown costume might be in the sewer because theres no way he could fit there. but i guess if you’re pure evil you can squeeze in anywhere so this just opens a whole can of terrifying worms for places murderers could be.
once on xfiles a guy could squeeze into super tiny places and he shot mulder with a blowdart and he got all fucked up and i was so scared, so thats very similar to this except instead of shooting you with a blowdart and waiting for you to pass out, the clown just rips your fucking arms off and eats your face. plus when he says “they all float down here” it makes me want to cry and im not fully sure why.
4.the chicken scene from the stand
now to understand my pysche further, my friend Darcy and i put away this 6 hour stephen king miniseries in one sitting. we are total losers. but this series is amazing even if its a bit dated, and rob lowe is extremely handsome in it.
basically a huge plague wipes out the population of earth except for some random people, gary sinise is one of these people because he is handsome and pretty much poured into that white tshirt(meow!) and in this scene hes trying to escape the hospital he was being studied in after all the doctors die. so hes bebopin around in his purple sweatpants and most of the scene before this disturbing exchange is him yelling at the sight of dead people and the sound of his bare feet running around. dead people cant use shoes gary, just a hint.
so anyways, hes running down the stairs and this fucking asshole pops up and asks him to eat chicken with him. WHAT THE FUCK. i seriously lost my shit when this came up and i thought gary was going to get his face bitten off, but he just kicks the guy in the chest like a badass and runs away. he later breaks his leg after falling down a slight hill so i guess he only had one bad ass move in him for this movie. i hope if i ever run into gary sinise and call him beautiful he will give me kisses instead of firing me down a flight of stairs, but ill take what i can get. anyways, never once is it explained as to why this guy wanted to eat chicken so badly with gary sinise,or why gary turned him down (he was a doctor gary, a doctor!)