how creepy are baby beauty pageants?

A: Extremely creepy.



These things chill me to my very core and I see no reason for them whatsoever. At least beauty pageants for teens serve a purpose, and that purpose is to encourage eating disorders as well as give teen boys and grown men boners.

But baby beauty pageants are fucking awful. If I had a choice between putting my kid in these things all year long or leaving them in the care of DMX  for the weekend, I would choose the latter. Yheres a t show called Toddlers and Tiaras  that’s all about these frigging things and it makes me more sick to my stomach then watching those youtube videos that suddenly have a creepy face pop up and those videos make me lose my mind every time, so you can see how seriously I’m taking this.

"GO TO BED KID!!" cue barking noises

"GO TO BED KID!!" cue barking noises

Basically how these come about is a Mother becomes insane somewhere along the line and decides her kid would look pretty as a weird child bride tramp instead of a normal smelly kid with dirt all over her face. Shockingly these pageants take place mainly in the USA, a Country that also fully endorses competitive eating.  In fact to become a US citizen you have to recite the national anthem, attend a baby pageant and compete in an eating contest. Oh and you have to become wary of every race but your own. (I think its a new policy.)

god bless america

god bless America!

But back on track here, these things are awful and it makes me upset to think a Mom would watch her 5 year old kid get highlights and french tip manicures and think “Yes. I am a terrific mother” I’m sure these things started out innocently enough, since parents always think their baby is the cutest so they decided to hold contests, But then one mom was like “I’ll show those assholes” and put lip liner on her kid and it just snowballed from there.

"this will look great on my 1 year old"

"this will look great on my 1 year old"

When I was little I was hideous and super awkward but I never knew that until I looked back at photos of me and realized “Wow, I was a huge goober” because my parents never told me I looked fucking retarded in my baggy T-shirt that had an iguana on it (fuck I loved that shirt) my parents let me wear whatever the hell I wanted and let me be grimy and dumb,  and I have a good self image of myself because of this. If you take your 5 year old kid and make them wear make up marketed towards grown women, they are probably going to grow up all kinds of fucked up and make several men very happy and then very miserable.

"i can hardly wait to be a cougar"

"I can hardly wait to be a cougar"

There is a reason for that pink participation ribbon in track and field, because even if you suck fucking ass at sports you still tried and you get orange slices after too so its a pretty good situation. With baby pageants the girls are too young to be exposed to a competition that bases the winner solely on what she looks like made up as a woman. If you suck at long jump, it’s OK because you tried and its only track and field. If you lose at a baby pageant, it’s because people you don’t know are judging you based solely on your looks, but that’s OK because..well I guess it isn’t OK because your parents think the only talent you have is looking pretty. Have fun barfing up your lunches when you’re in grade 9.



And who are these assholes who judge the competition? who the fuck are you to tell an 8 year old girl her tap dancing skills are shitty? or a 3 year old girl that her hair is too flat? fuck you guys. If I ever met someone at a party and they told me they judged baby beauty pageants I would throw my drink in their face… Unless they were a man, then I would just call the cops ASAP. How can you sleep at night? you are worse then Hitler.

making 2 year olds cry is the key to a great nights sleep

making 2 year olds cry is the key to a great nights sleep

They make these little girls look so so creepy, I know women who wear less make up than these girls. I know I own less makeup then these 7 year olds which either makes me a huge ug-o or it makes the parents of these kids total retards. Hopefully its the last one. If you cant drive to the store yourself and purchase eye shadow, you probably shouldn’t be wearing it. Call me crazy. Oh god and they have fake teeth. They give these girls fake teeth to put over their own teeth because god forbid someone might notice that a 6 year old doesn’t have all her teeth. WHAT A MONSTER SHE MUST BE. Ughh I need a drink.


3 Responses to “how creepy are baby beauty pageants?”

  1. 1 Ashli March 29, 2009 at 11:13 am

    I was just telling Ian how on the bus the other day I saw a little girl, probably about 5 or 6 wearing makeup, with highlights, and french tip nails.
    It honestly made me shudder.
    And then glare at the mother the entire bus ride.

  2. 2 Lurking Waffles June 26, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    damn cant believe when I was a little girl I wanted to look like that -shudder-

    they look like midget barbie dolls with out boobs

  3. 3 jasmine August 3, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    @Lurking Waffles ik the first girl look like 1 alot

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