Hey Jason, hows it going? good? I assume you are doing good since you are in roughly 4 movies a month. Now don’t get me wrong Jason, you are a beautiful man despite the fact you look a bit like a foot from a side profile. but that’s ok, because you are british and I want to sleep with you.
But lets get serious here Jason. maybe you should take a long hard look at all the movies you have been in. I just took a look at the imdb page for you and it turns out I have seen almost all of your movies. This wasn’t done on purpose mind you, and I thought I had only seen maybe like 3. But every movie you have been in since Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels has been EXACTLY the same minus a few small differences, so I have no idea where one movie ends and another begins.
as an example, I am about to pitch a movie idea for you Jason, and I know you will be unable to resist. here it goes.
“Raging Velocity: Extreme Force”
You like it so far? I thought you might! so lets find out what its all about
You play an ex cop who is framed for the murder of your wife and in order to clear your name, a meth dealer is making you transport a truck made of explosives and bullet casings filled with topless asian women to a secret base while you wear a wife beater.
Holy god, its your dream role! but i didn’t add in the best part! this movie will feature no less then 3 montages of you working out and no less than 2 scenes of you fighting a group of men using a plank of wood.
Oh and don’t worry, you will have less then 3 pages of dialogue.
Do you see my point here Jason? yes, we all love seeing you get your shirt ripped off, and yes we all love seeing you kill men with pool cues, but when is enough enough? I have seen all 3 transporter films but I have no idea which one is which or what happens in any of them other then you drive a car and fuck a woman in each one.
As far as my understanding goes, Crank 2 is just Crank 1 with a 2 added to the end of the title. You know i’m right Jason.
We know you need money for shirts and muscle grease, but can you please be in a movie with at least a little bit of dignity? you aren’t a bad actor Jason, plus you have an amazing british accent that I want to hear more often and not in sentences like “I’m going to kill you right now” or “buckle up sweetheart” I loved you as handsome rob and you stole my heart as Turkish, but now I seriously can’t remember any of your characters names since those movies, I just call you Jason in all of them.
You look good with a shirt on as well, you don’t always have to rip it off after wearing it for 20 minutes. I’m sure you’re a really sweet guy Jason, but I saw a picture of you holding a baby once and my first thought was “oh my god he’s going to rip that babies head off” but my first thought should have been “how can I make a baby with him and get him to hold that baby?”
If you were in even one more movie where you had reasonable dialogue and didn’t scream and flex constantly, I wouldn’t think you would rip a childs head off. and isn’t that what you really want? think about it.
PS- I am totally willing to have a baby with you.