Family Circus: ugh.

wow. i hate family circus. it is just…well it’s just not good. but you know what is funny? me goddamnit, me. so let’s put two and two together here shall we? im going to go ahead and show you some comics and then offer some suggestions to improve it that whoever the hell writes these comics should probably read (and not sue)


ok so right off the bat i had to read this fucking thing twice because i didn’t get the joke. the joke being that they put moth instead of moss. now that is some sparkling wordplay isn’t it? another troubling aspect of this comic is that the kids are just sitting on random green pillows in a sparse, blank room. do these people not own chairs? social services should probably be called. was the artist too lazy to draw beanbag chairs? you asshole.

Alternate better joke:

“Mrs. Clarke told me she’s worried that my lunch is always scraps of green pillows”



alright, so this thing is just riddled with issues, the first being that there is random quotation marks all over the goddamn place. is the mom talking in the bottom one? i don’t get it and this is a logistical nightmare

oh and kudos on making a topical Wii joke. and by joke, i mean statement about playing the wii. a kid beat an adult at the wii? shocking. how is this a joke? this makes no sense because i thought the family circus was supposed to be set in the 50’s or some shit, its the only thing that would make those haircuts acceptable. yikes.

Alternate better joke:

“Daddy won’t play Wii bowling with me because he’s drinking out of his bottle and screaming at the dog again”



100% chance this is on a church bulletin board somewhere. i honestly do not understand this joke, possibly because it is god related or possibly because it just isn’t funny. I don’t even think Jesus would think this was funny but i bet he would give a courtesy laugh because he doesn’t want to look like a jerk.

what the fuck is with all the blue? that is seriously the only thing i can focus on. was the rest of the paint on the other side of the desk or what? maybe he had just a little bit of blue left in a tube so he just wanted to use it all at once, or alternately he doesn’t give a fuck because he’s a colourist for the family circus and is probably dead inside.

Alternate better joke:

“Dad come quick! some homeless kid climbed in my window and now he’s praying on my bed!”



hey wow, so you’re lucky that any member of your terrible family was addicted to only turkey. if i was related to these big headed goons i would be taking uppers and downers and really whatever i could get my 2D mitts on.ugh what a terrible joke, its like the writer was thinking “wow, i really like the term cold turkey…oh my you know what would be so funny? if i referenced someone quitting eating turkey cold turkey! haha oh i am delightful!” you are a dick.

also, who the fuck is this kid in the glasses? and why is red shirt kid bothering him with this terrible “joke” how un impressed does that kid look? hahah i want to party with that guy i can tell you that right now.

Alternate better joke:

“My uncle ed was addicted to crack. now he’s dead”



ugh. this is why i hate the family circus. i don’t bring my off coloured borderline offensive jokes into your church so don’t bring your church into my uhhh jokes..? anyways, where was i? oh yea, this comic is fucking retarded.

is the grandma reading some article about prayers or something? why is she just randomly making this observation? i think the mom should be concerned that her kids are fucking dumbasses if they have to bug god everytime they have a test about state capitals. maybe she should do some praying of her own, possibly for the ability to turn back time and not have drank heavily during her pregnancy so her kids could understand the difference between the words moth and moss. im just saying.

Alternate better joke:

“says here in the paper that my haircut makes me look like a dyke”



whoa. huge slam on how i met your mother out of nowhere. something tells me the only reasons this family isn’t allowed to watch how i met your mother is because of NPH’s dude lovin’ ways.  alternatively, maybe they can’t watch how i met your mother because they have to sell the tv right away to buy more green pillows.

oh and kids love nothing more then listening to stories about their parents. if a story begins with “did i ever tell you about the time when…” that’s your cue to just shut off your brain and think about what outfit to wear tommorow or which member of NSync would win in a battle royale to the death (Joey)

Alternate better joke:

“Hey you kids wanna hear about how your mother and i did peyote in new mexico then ran over a homeless man and kept driving?”



whoa, what the fuck? is this for real? this is troubling.  how is this funny? im guessing its referencing the 36-24-36 “ideal” measurement, but why on earth would a little girl know about that/give a shit. and i love how the cartoonist took the time to guess the average chest measurement on an 8 year old girl. ick.

check out how worried the kid in the background looks! its like he knows he’s watching his sister develop an eating disorder before his eyes. oh and the kid who is doing the measuring is either going to turn out gay or make out with her when they get drunk at a grad party years down the road.

Alternate better joke:

“if the eating disorder thing doesn’t pan out, you could always just be a slut”

well that is really about all i can stomach of this garbage. but i mean, how is this still in the comic pages? i have never even cracked a little bit of a smile at this shit. its wildly known as the shittiest comic ever. but i guess friggin garfield is still being printed so i’m really not holding out much hope.


1 Response to “Family Circus: ugh.”

  1. 1 ian May 11, 2009 at 2:06 am

    i am eating apple cinnimon cheerios, cursing work and laughing so loud, i think i woke up ashli. i fucking hate family circus.

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