more troubling excerpts from my childhood journal

Hey guess what? there is more terrible drawings and misspelled awfulness for you guys to read! oh and I found some more upsetting things in my closet including a biography of Leonard Nimoy called “I am Spock” that I have no recollection of ever owning, but needless to say I am pretty stoked on reading. But let’s not focus on the biography of a Vulcan and instead focus on making fun of my childhood.

GORGEOUS

GORGEOUS

Well here we have someone named “shaon” and her pet dog. I don’t know if I’ve ever had a friend named shaon, but apparently her head had the same dimensions as a wine cork.  I mean, look at that neck! yikes. She also suffered from what appears to be one arm longer then the other and a mad case of the jimmy legs. Oh and her and Jon from the Garfield comics had the same haircut I guess.

I do have to say the dog is drawn pretty solidly though, in my own defense. even though the proportions are unsettling to say the least.

crttt

haha wow. I had to read this one almost a dozen times to figure out what it says and what the drawing is of. apparently “I got a libeee crt” means “I got a library card” which I obviously put to good use since I no longer spell library with three e’s. I thought at first the drawing was of the library, but in actual fact it is the card itself, which says “the libeee crt is rigbys”  I lost that crt in under a week if I remember correctly.

Again, if you are my first grade teacher and you are reading this, kudos to you for A) figuring out what the hell I was saying and B) not turning me into social services for having such an upsetting journal.

eamonsbike11

If I could turn this entry into a drinking game where you had to do a shot every time the word “Eamon” or “bike” was used, I would be wasted in under a minute. Kudos to me for being able to spell my brothers name correctly when I was like 6, since most adults fuck up both our names on a weekly basis. I would also like to take this time to say that me and my brother had crazy names before crazy names were popular. TAKE THAT APPLE PALTROW.

Oh and if you were wondering, “Fresint” means florescent. Which I still can’t spell properly without spellcheck. You failed me, public schooling.

AH!

AH!

hahah oh my god, this is a good one mainly for the fact that I wrote in it that I paid the tooth fairy and the tooth fairy didn’t pay me back. I can totally picture myself writing this all pissed off that the tooth fairy didn’t pay me back. Pay me back with what? my own tooth? this is upsetting.

also I just want to make it clear that I did not have bright red hair in pigtails when I was little. I was filthy child who had matted hair for 80% of my young life. In retrospect I don’t know which is better. haha I can’t stop scrolling up and laughing at that homicidal grin i have going on.

burnt

Oh man, O actually remember this occurring. As a back story, for those of you that don’t know me personally, I used to be a huge tomboy. Like mistaken for a grubby boy style tomboy.  Looking back on it now I feel really bad for my mom who must have wanted a daughter she could put in pretty dresses and I think that I will pay for this later on in life by having my only child turn out to be a goth or a hipster doofus. Anyways, in one of her vain attempts to make me look somewhat presentable she tried to curl my hair and I probably squirmed around like an asshole and she burnt my neck.

Ichose to illustrate this by drawing a crying, floating head with no mouth and fabulous yellow eyeshadow. Oh and it had black hair for some reason even though my hair is blonde. Maybe I was trying to represent my guardian angel who was crying because she was about to get fired for letting my ass get burned by a curling iron. You bitch.

PS- I eventually got pretty in like the last 5 months of highschool. great timing GOD.

the horror... the horror.

the horror... the horror.

Alright this one actually scared me when I saw it. It took me a little while to figure out what that haunting figure in the bottom was supposed to be, but after staring at its dead eyes for a few seconds I figured it out.

come to think of it, the eyes were pretty accurate

come to think of it, the eyes were pretty accurate

DEAR GOD. I am totally baffled by this, I guess my friend hayleigh got one of these toys? by the looks of my drawing I think it would be accurate to say she was visited by an evil gypsy who gave her a cursed toy of Baby Sinclair. Man that would be cool.  it would come alive at night and scream “I’m the baby gotta love me!” at you until you went mad and killed your family before hanging yourself in the attic.

Anyways, I think it creeped out my teacher as well because all I got for my ungodly efforts was a single, somber checkmark. And that checkmark screams “god I hope this creepy kid doesn’t make me put my hand in boiling water with the power of her mind”

well thats about all I can take but believe it or not, THERES MORE! now, im off to read about the fascinating life of Leonard Nimoy.

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2 Responses to “more troubling excerpts from my childhood journal”


  1. 1 Aaron May 19, 2009 at 4:26 pm

    hey now, dont sell yourself short, for an 8th grader going to his first dance with an.. uh.. 11th grader? i think? you prettied up before 5 months till the end up school is what im getting at. unless i drank my sober years into drunk foggy ones?

  2. 2 Sailer May 22, 2009 at 9:06 am

    If it’s any consolation, when I was in kindergarten I spelled my name backwards and had at least 7 lines on the E.


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