Infomercials: a review. part 2.

turns out theres a shit ton of infomercials and i barely hit the tip of the iceberg. so lets take another look at commercials that you probably have to watch a million times anyways during the amazing race or whatever the hell it is you watch.

1. Slap-chop!

Pros-

  • Vince Schlomi beat up a hooker. now that we have that out of the way, i can get to more subtle humour
  • a slap chop would be a great object to whip at a hookers face
  • apparently aggressively slapping your food into pieces with a tiny blade is the key to an exciting life.

Cons-

  • i dont think im going to love his nuts
  • neither did the hooker
  • took probably 30 takes for him to get the slapchop in the sink
  • knives work just as well you jackass

2. What odor?



Pros-

  • if you had a cat urine smelling fetish you could use a demonstration of what odor? to your friends as a guise for smelling it.
  • i like that billy explained why it was called what odor? in the first few seconds, i dont think i would have gotten it otherwise
  • that chick in the blue shirt seemed pretty satisfied that it covered up her rancid poop smell
  • will rid my home of comical green stink rays after i eat an entire fish

Cons-

  • runs the risk of alienating the skunk audience by claiming they are the worst smelling thing ever
  • also, pretty sure just holding a skunk gently doesn’t make you stink
  • i wish that skunk bit his nose off
  • yea fucking right you plant a tree everytime someone buys it
  • billy mays is a filthy liar
  • i cant stop thinking about that skunk

3. cash 4 gold

Pros-

  • i do have a lot of gold buillon laying around
  • i also enjoy receiving cheques  in the mail
  • it has a classy “4” instead of a “for”, which makes me think it’s pretty legit

Cons-

  • everyone in this commercial is ugly
  • how in any way, shape or form is this legal?
  • i dont want an old tymey looking blacksmith touching my abandoned gold
  • this is always on spike tv and it enrages me
  • as if that old bitch didnt know how much gold she had laying around

4. handy peel

Pros-

  • i do enjoy sensually rubbing various fruits and vegetables
  • i also like the term “rubbing nubs”
  • who didnt laugh when she jerked off that carrot?
  • would be useful during the great irish potato famine
  • then again, so would potatos.

Cons-

  • who the fuck eats that many potatos
  • im serious. thats fucking weird
  • it will stop me from cutting my finger while im being filmed in black and white
  • i nearly barfed at that glove full of corn hair
  • a 10 pound bag of potatos costs like 5 dollars, who gives a shit if you waste a few centimeters off each potato

5. listen up

Pros-

  • owning one would make me feel like a spy
  • owning one also gives you the right to be a total creeper at the public gym
  • would enable me to better hear all the amazing things people say about me regarding my smarts, looks, tetris abilities, modesty.

Cons-

  • creeps me right the hell out
  • also alot of ugly people in this commercial
  • who the hell says i want to hear a pin drop?
  • that guy will probably end up murdering his naggy wife if this device doesn’t work
  • which it most certainly wont.
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