turns out theres a shit ton of infomercials and i barely hit the tip of the iceberg. so lets take another look at commercials that you probably have to watch a million times anyways during the amazing race or whatever the hell it is you watch.
- Vince Schlomi beat up a hooker. now that we have that out of the way, i can get to more subtle humour
- a slap chop would be a great object to whip at a hookers face
- apparently aggressively slapping your food into pieces with a tiny blade is the key to an exciting life.
- i dont think im going to love his nuts
- neither did the hooker
- took probably 30 takes for him to get the slapchop in the sink
- knives work just as well you jackass
2. What odor?
- if you had a cat urine smelling fetish you could use a demonstration of what odor? to your friends as a guise for smelling it.
- i like that billy explained why it was called what odor? in the first few seconds, i dont think i would have gotten it otherwise
- that chick in the blue shirt seemed pretty satisfied that it covered up her rancid poop smell
- will rid my home of comical green stink rays after i eat an entire fish
- runs the risk of alienating the skunk audience by claiming they are the worst smelling thing ever
- also, pretty sure just holding a skunk gently doesn’t make you stink
- i wish that skunk bit his nose off
- yea fucking right you plant a tree everytime someone buys it
- billy mays is a filthy liar
- i cant stop thinking about that skunk
3. cash 4 gold
- i do have a lot of gold buillon laying around
- i also enjoy receiving cheques in the mail
- it has a classy “4” instead of a “for”, which makes me think it’s pretty legit
- everyone in this commercial is ugly
- how in any way, shape or form is this legal?
- i dont want an old tymey looking blacksmith touching my abandoned gold
- this is always on spike tv and it enrages me
- as if that old bitch didnt know how much gold she had laying around
4. handy peel
- i do enjoy sensually rubbing various fruits and vegetables
- i also like the term “rubbing nubs”
- who didnt laugh when she jerked off that carrot?
- would be useful during the great irish potato famine
- then again, so would potatos.
- who the fuck eats that many potatos
- im serious. thats fucking weird
- it will stop me from cutting my finger while im being filmed in black and white
- i nearly barfed at that glove full of corn hair
- a 10 pound bag of potatos costs like 5 dollars, who gives a shit if you waste a few centimeters off each potato
5. listen up
- owning one would make me feel like a spy
- owning one also gives you the right to be a total creeper at the public gym
- would enable me to better hear all the amazing things people say about me regarding my smarts, looks, tetris abilities, modesty.
- creeps me right the hell out
- also alot of ugly people in this commercial
- who the hell says i want to hear a pin drop?
- that guy will probably end up murdering his naggy wife if this device doesn’t work
- which it most certainly wont.