4 of the lamest characters ever

theres always one in a group. the really shitty character that literally everyone hates and if you ever run into someone who claims to like this character you instantly hate that person and don’t want to ever touch anything they have lest you somehow catch their crappy personal taste like some sort of unpopular disease.

anyways before i get too offtopic, lets actually discuss some of these total asshole losers shall we?

1. Ma-Ti from Captain Planet

ugh i hate you so much, you and your damn vest


i blame this character for my burning hatred of small Brazilians. hes not only a completely unlikable character but they gave him literally the shittiest power ever. wheeler gets fire and this idiot get heart? Heart? what the fuck is heart going to do? i think ive only ever seen him use his power once and it was to make insane rats not insane or some shit like that.

boy, i wish ma-ti was here to get rid of this crappily photoshopped evil rat!

boy, i wish ma-ti was here to get rid of this crappily photoshopped evil rat!

but i mean, if – god forbid- he wasn’t there, im sure the planeteers could have dealt with crazy as hell rats by using any of their other totally radical powers, no one wants you Ma-Ti. isn’t that ironic that the character who can harness the power of love has literally zero people in his corner that would stop and help him if they witnessed him getting mugged in a park.

2. Jubilee from X-men

you can't run from mediocrity

you can't run from mediocrity

fuck, i hate this broad. she is offensive to all of my senses and i mean, who is she kidding with that ridiculous outfit? (please note that the previous comment should be read outloud then accompanied by 3 finger snaps in a 7 formation)

anyways if you dont know anything about her really all you need to know is she is goddamn awful. her power is making fireworks out of her hands i guess? i dont really see the advantages of that other then you would get tons of invites to bbq’s and new years parties. she was super annoying in the cartoon and always made dumb jokes or got kidnapped or some shit. she was like the annoying little sister of the xmen that no one ever wanted.

terrible characters deserve terrible fan art. FACT.

terrible characters deserve terrible fan art. FACT.

i remember distinctly the only time i have ever turned off an episode of the xmen cartoon was when it was a jubilee heavy episode. yes, you heard that right. i willingly turned off an x men cartoon.

3. piglet



i might get some flack from this but i refuse to recant my statement. i hate piglet. i mean, what the hell does he bring to the table? hes so neurotic and sexually ambiguous, god i hate him. is he a boy or a girl? if he’s a boy he’s a total pussy and if he’s a girl well then that’s just unfortunate.

this is how pigs should be: delicious and not sexually confused

this is how pigs should be: delicious and not sexually confused

i know winnie the pooh is beloved by children and childless fat women alike but i cannot be the only person who thinks this, pooh has plenty of other people to hang out with so why the fuck does he choose to hang out with piglet so much. i feel like behind the scenes piglet is  calling pooh at 3 a.m crying, threatening to kill himself if pooh ever leaves him. then as he hangs up, pooh can hear the cure playing softly in the background. piglet is awful.

just putting this out there piglet, you take from this what you will.

just putting this out there piglet, you take from this what you will.

if piglet was a person he would be that one person everyone has met that casually tells you extremely personal details about themselves like 30 minutes after you meet them.

“oh, so pretty good party hey? i hate this song..it was playing when i got raped, so how do you know mike?”

and you’re just left there holding the awkward bag and theres nothing to really do other then pretend you didn’t hear or to say “oh im sorry” piglet is that person and i goddamn hate him/her for it.

4. Charlie Brown

I'm embarassed for the both of us Charlie.

I'm embarrassed for the both of us Charlie.

fuck, just save us all the hassle and kill yourself already. when was he ever funny? can someone tell me when peanuts was ever funny? i think we all know snoopy was carrying the whole load on his shoulders.

i mean, godamn how many times can you say “good grief” before you just decide to end it. but i guess he is bald and that whore lucy keeps pulling that football away from him so he has a right to be a bit depressed. what a bitch.

pictured: a grade A bitch

pictured: a grade A bitch

every christmas that goddamn special comes on and i get enraged because it isn’t fucking good but they still play it. who even likes this?  its not entertaining, its like “oh hey, we got this tree but it sucks balls so we put decorations on it and turns out its special and beautiful anyways! just like everyone one of us…as soon as you put nice clothes and make up on us” FUCK.

come to think of it, everyone in this stupid ass comic goes on this list. you heard me cast of peanuts, its over between us.  go to hell. oh and anyone who is under the age of 40 and likes this comic can go to hell too. its ok if old grandpas like it though because lets be honest, that’s precious.


2 Responses to “4 of the lamest characters ever”

  1. 1 Bryant June 17, 2009 at 4:21 am

    hahaha, I just had an awful thought. What if the cast from peanuts and the family circus teamed up? There’d be no way to escape that vortex of suck/christian undertones

  2. 2 Sailer June 17, 2009 at 2:18 pm

    Where is Cleveland? He effing sucks!

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