Dear Jeff Dunham: you and your shitty puppets are god awful

pictured: a man, 5 puppets and no talent.

pictured: a man, 5 puppets and no talent.

 

Holy crow i hate this guy. so much that i had to resort to using such foul language as holy crow (sorry jesus and mom) anyways if you think this guy is funny you have two choices:

1. Kill yourself

2. Move to the heartland of the united states to be with the rest of your kind

Puppetry is fucking gay and not funny at all. Unless you’re Sherry Lewis. I will make an exception there because we all love Lambchop and the song that never ends, Also Hushpuppy was amazing. But this isn’t about amazing puppeteers this is about shitty unfunny puppeteers.

oh my god i love this woman. charlie horse kind of sucked though. yes, i said it.

oh my god i love this woman. charlie horse kind of sucked though. yes, i said it.

I used to work in a CD store and every goddamn day people would come in and ask for this clowns Cds or Dvds and every goddamn day i would have the same conversation with them in which they told me how totally hilarious he is and how everyone just loves him and in which i died a little inside over the fact that this terrible hack of a comedian was making money to spend on more awful puppets.

That’s another thing, How fucking racist are his characters? If you aren’t familiar with them here’s a brief rundown:

Shockingly this isn't an average Jeff Dunham fan, this is a puppet

Shockingly this isn't an average Jeff Dunham fan, this is a puppet

 

Here we have the puppet Bubba J. get it? He’s poor and a redneck and his name is Bubba J. Hilarious. Fucking terrible. Not only is this thing utterly terrible but it is also utterly terrifying. If this puppet came alive it would probably rape you, kill you and then drink all your beers and beat your dog for awhile before going out to look for some beef jerky. I truly enjoy the fact that it’s supposed to be a redneck idiot but it’s wearing a USA shirt. Something tells me the irony is lost on the audience judging by the fact that most of them are probably wearing that exact same shirt.

well hello racist puppet! how are you today, besides offensive?

well hello racist puppet! how are you today, besides offensive?

 

So this is Jose the Jalapeno. or as  i like to call him: Racist caricatureof a Mexican on a stick. My favorite part is that it looks like its both drunk and stupid and I really appreciate the addition of the sombrero because I probably wouldn’t have understood that he was Mexican otherwise. Jackass.

Not funny. AT ALL.

Not funny. AT ALL.

And this is the most popular character in Jeffs arsenal of crap. Achmed the dead terrorist. I love his Turban because I enjoy my racial stereotypes to be glaringly obvious. might i add that he speaks in an Indian accent? get it?  because all  Indians are terrorists! oh my god that is hilarious! you know who would really enjoy this joke? totally ignorant idiots!

you filthy terrorist.

you filthy terrorist.

It takes a lot to offend me, but i mean jesus christ. how is this funny? It isn’t. The only reason this is acceptable to people is because it’s racist towards east Indians who apparently are the only terrorists in the entire world according to jerkoff retards in the US. since, you know, no terrorist attacks happen in say Ireland, or Africa or really any other place in the world. Fuck. Anyways, this abominations catchphrases include “I kill you” and “silence you infidel” oh man, I’ve gotta tell you guys my stomach hurts from laughing so much!

Oh wait, that’s my soul trying to leave my body. It honestly makes me sick that this guy has mainstream popularity and i think its because I don’t want to come to terms with the fact that someone is actually choosing to spend time and money watching this.

Oh right, There’s also an old man puppet and some purple thing but I’m too lazy to give a  happy gay shit about it.

So now its come to the part of the article where i watch some of this and let you guys know how it goes. well I found a clip on youtube that is 10 goddamn minutes long but I’m going to try and muscle through it. wish me luck.

Any hopes of me laughing were dashed by the fact that this video has received over 90 million views. Why is this assclown getting 90 million views while Stella got canceled after one season?? fuck.

so the first few minutes of this video are spent by this puppet saying silence to the audience and rolling his eyes around. WHAT THE FUCK. seriously! this is brutal, he just keeps saying i kill you in a funny voice and people are shitting their pants. Oh apparently Achmed is a suicide bomber. wow. I really want a soylent green sort of situation to happen, only instead of Charlton Heston yelling “SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!”  someone stands up in the audience and screams “THIS ISN’T FUNNY AT ALL DON’T YOU GET IT!!!” but people just keep laughing. The Horror.

wow, the movie poster doesn't really hide the twist end all that well, what with the giant metal shovel full of people and all.

wow, the movie poster doesn't really hide the twist end all that well, what with the giant metal shovel full of people and all.

Well I got about 3 minutes in but i really couldn’t do it anymore. I honestly don’t understand why anyone is willing to sit and watch this.

So as i was writing this i stumbled upon a lesser known Jeff dunham creation:

wow.

wow.

That would be a pimp named sweet daddy dee. Is this guy for real? How goddamn racist can you get with a comedy act that is mainly comprised of puppets??? I’m honestly shocked at this and i watched 2 girls 1 cup without gagging. (i also put that on my resume under special skills)

This is just wrong on so many levels and I’m beginning to think this guy is a serious racist who may or may not own several confederate flags. that is simply here-say but feel free to spread that around. I mean, there are ways to approach racial stereotypes in comedy and most talented comedians will do it in a very tongue in cheek way. Jeff’s tongue is no where near his cheek, in fact it’s helping to propel spit forward out of his mouth onto the grave of Rosa Parks.

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15 Responses to “Dear Jeff Dunham: you and your shitty puppets are god awful”


  1. 1 Sarah November 30, 2009 at 5:40 pm

    OH MY GOD. I FUCKING LOVE YOU. I know I say this in (almost?) every comment I’ve left on your blog, but I seriously love you. That is one of the WORST shows on television and I absolutely refuse to watch it. There is NOTHING funny about it. I love you.

  2. 2 toolsquatch the Merciless December 31, 2009 at 1:46 am

    Are you aware that they gave this talentless assclown a show on Comedy Central? As if his stand-up wasn’t bad enough, now he’s trying to squeeze 30 minute episodes out of his tired and annoying routine.

    Oh, and the “purple thing”, which is supposedly his most famous character, goes beyond the “tacky, unoriginal characters” like the others: it’s just a blatant rip-off of Jim Carrey, he stole all of his mannerisms and that became the character.

  3. 3 Mal November 26, 2010 at 6:53 pm

    This article is the single best thing I have ever read. It’s like you typed everything I have ever thought about this horrible “comedian”. Also, hushpuppy is the best goddamn puppet in the world. *highfive*

  4. 4 Mal November 26, 2010 at 6:56 pm

    Sorry, blog. Not article.

  5. 5 gs December 16, 2011 at 4:13 am

    Jeff Dunham represents all of the non-thinking, ignorant, Americans who also voted for Bush and Palin.

    Jeff Dunham is repugnant. You are racist, sexist, and morally challenged if you enjoy his humour.

    • 6 Jessie February 21, 2013 at 3:20 pm

      Yes bush. And obviously u voted Obama ther is the worlds problem people like u wasting air.

      • 7 rigsamarole February 24, 2013 at 7:47 am

        I wish I could have voted for Obama, but fortunately for me I’m Canadian. I also think you should call it a draw, let Obama supporters waste air because Republicans like you are wasting space in the school system judging by your stellar spelling abilities.

  6. 8 LosTiteres.TV (@LosTiteresTV) January 20, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    I can’t imagine what the puppets say behind Jeff Dunham’s back.

    Here’s some backstage “Shit Puppets Say”: http://youtu.be/z_RjnaHxfpM

  7. 9 killbill/jeff April 14, 2012 at 2:00 am

    right you are, the guy is a racist fuckhead…

    people pay to watch his shit, so very sad…

  8. 10 leanne June 2, 2012 at 11:30 am

    omg u people need to get a life he is funny yeah he may be a bit racist but not as much as many of the people out there i think he is funny and people are entitled to their own opinion and honestly i think its sad that you put up a website about how much you dont like jeffs work GROW UP X

  9. 13 Jessie February 21, 2013 at 3:18 pm

    You guys obviously don’t have a scents of humor. He is funny a little dirty minded but funny. You wouldn’t know funny if it bit u in the ass. The only other reason I can think of other than having no scents of humer is being really old. ROCK ON JEFF DUNHAM AND ALL OF THEM PUPPETS. ACHMED AND PEANUT ARE THE BEST!

    • 14 rigsamarole February 24, 2013 at 7:46 am

      I can’t tell if this comment is a vague attempt at satire or what the deal is, but either way it is very depressing. Is a “scent of humour” some lower tiered superhero power? the power to smell whether or not someone is funny? because if I had that power, it would determine that Jeff Dunham is not funny whatsoever.

  10. 15 Walz October 28, 2013 at 3:19 pm

    You missed the gay puppet.


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