one word: Juggalos.

 

if this guy had a word bubble it would be saying "fuck getting my G.E.D"

if this guy had a word bubble it would be saying "fuck getting my G.E.D"

Juggalos and their female counterparts Juggalettes are like a gift from comedy heaven. If you don’t know what a Juggalo is then prepare to spend the rest of your time reading this alternating between laughing and gasping.

A Juggalo is a fan of the utterly moronic band Insane clown posse. Now i know what you’re thinking: “with a name like that, how can they not be good?” well they are just terrible. Here is a sampling of some of the thought provoking lyrics in which they explain what exactly a juggalo is

“What is a juggalo?
Lemme think for a second. (well? )
Oh, he gets butt naked.
And then he walks through the street winkin at freaks,
Wit a two-liter stuck in his butt-cheeks!
What is a juggalo?
He just dont care.
He might try to put a weave in his nut hair.
Cuz he could give a fuck less what a bitch thinks,
He tell her that her butt stinks, and all that”

So thanks for clearing that up Insane Clown Posse!

their stance on rape is also clear.

their stance on rape is also clear, that being: IT AINT RAPE IF ITS DEAD.

 

To be honest, i thought this band was a total joke and i forgot about them after 1997 passed. That was until i worked in a CD store and discovered they have like 15 albums and people constantly either bought this shit or stole it.

you'd be stupid not to steal this. what with the amazing graphics and all

you'd be stupid not to steal this. what with the amazing graphics and all

If you don’t know who this band is I really don’t know if i can explain it to you well enough for you to fully understand the horror, but lord knows i’ll try.

Basically they’re a “rap” group consisting of two full grown men named Shaggy 2 dope and Violent J who dress up in clown make up and rap about girls buttholes smelling  judging by the sample lyrics posted above.

for some reason they have a huge following that is based mainly in the United States (obviously) and these people call themselves Juggalos. They stage backyard wrestling matches, throw trash everywhere (it’s a juggalo tradition) and exclusively drink cheap dollar store soda called Faygo (insert your own joke) They also refer to each other as Ninjas as in “that Juggalo is a down ass ninja” and no, i am not making this up. They also have this goddamn thing all over everything they own:

a grown up chucky from rugrats holding a popsicle?

a grown up chucky from rugrats holding a popsicle?

 This thing is called the Hatchetman despite the fact its holding something that looks more like a cleaver and not at all like a hatchet. So basically what i’m saying here is if you see this on anything it’s like an alarm that tells you to run far far away, sort of like when you see Veterans plates when you’re driving: you damn well better change lanes.

Anyways, They even have their own festival called the Juggalo Gathering. Some brave soul ventured in and recorded some footage which im about to show you, I can tell you now: you NEED to watch this.

 

Im just going to give you a few minutes to let that all sink in. Yes, what you just watched was real. Those people do exist and they are able to vote. they obviously don’t but still how chilling is that thought?

There is also this prize:

....

....

 

Yes that is a baby coffin and yes those are insane clown posse stickers all over it. yes her mother is wearing bobby hill-esque short pants and a hoodie to her babies funeral. and yes, there is no god.  

The cause of this babies death is unclear though i assume an angel mercy killed her so she would haven’t grow up with a mom who “rolls fat blunts” and “can’t read”  This is actually the photo that sparked my love affair with juggalos and juggalettes so lets look at some more shall we?

i have that same dress (?) in black.

i have that same dress (?) in black.

These fine folks are wearing what im guessing are their best clothes? What the hell. I guess if i was going to a festival full of fat idiots wearing clown make up i would feel pretty ok about wearing a tassled cotton abortion as well. I mean, who do you really have to impress?

these guys.

these guys.

...and these guys

...and these guys

Juggalos completely blow my mind because they seem to be exclusively horrible looking people. I have not found a single somewhat good looking person in all my time of laughing my ass off at Juggalos.

 

except these four. They're like the Juggalo version of the Beatles. SO dreamy

except these four. They're like the Juggalo version of the Beatles. SO dreamy

 

So there you have it folks. a brief synopsis on possibly the most hilarious group of fans ever. But don’t we need people like this in our lives? they make us feel better about ourselves as well as boost the malt liqour industry. So in a way, i suppose Juggalos are the real heros here….. Or maybe they’re just total jerkoffs in clown make up.

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22 Responses to “one word: Juggalos.”


  1. 1 Butcher September 18, 2009 at 1:13 pm

    well……………it’s settled
    we must have a gathering

  2. 2 Sailer September 19, 2009 at 5:32 am

    Fuck, I love Juggalos so much! They are definitely the cultural phenomena of the new millennium. More fat people need to dress up as clowns… kind of reminds me of that weird adult baby fetish.

    • 3 twiztid juggla August 12, 2010 at 10:45 am

      why should we give a fuck what people think?

      why should i care how the hell you look at meh?

      just cuz i have a nut sac big enough to do my own shit and do what i do withought giving a damn what people think of me, makes me a freak?…

      then fuck yes imaa freak mutha fucka, fuck yall haters, talk ur shit somwhere else…cuz we dont brown nose ur shit..

      • 4 rigsamarole September 27, 2010 at 3:59 pm

        I’m sorry that you got so angry about my article that you apparently broke the caps lock button right off your keyboard.

        I had no idea that my writing would strike such a nerve with your kind, and I say “your kind” because I think you must be a completely different class from Homo Sapiens. Perhaps Juggalos are the missing link. I don’t know, I’m not a scientist. What I am is someone who is deathly afraid of being hatcheted to death by a man in a clown costume so I will end my rant here.

        Best of luck with that enlarged “nut sac”

      • 5 Miz_MURDA October 22, 2010 at 3:50 pm

        ~WhOOOOOOOOOOOp~WhOOOOOOOOOOOOOp!!!!~ FUHk YEAhh!!!! MWKCL <333 HOMiE!! FUhk A HATiN ASZ BiTCh SUhk A DiCCK!!! WiCKeD KLOWNz WiLL NEVa DiE

  3. 6 Sailer September 19, 2009 at 5:33 am

    Also, I also went to highschool with a couple of Juggalos. I would go out of my way to throw old lunch meat at them. Everyone appreciates a free feeding, right?

  4. 7 Greg September 22, 2009 at 3:59 pm

    …did that one tent say “Lethal Sodomy?”

  5. 8 Civil Opposition October 8, 2009 at 3:30 am

    What you fail to realize is just like people in general, when you get a large group of them together you always seem to get the worst examples amongst us on camera. These twits are not representative of ALL juggalos. The truth is there are many more Juggalos who are less likely to stick their faces in every camera that comes along, and are not only decent people but also well educated. It is sad that you would take a song that was meant as a ridiculous parody meant to make fun of those who need to ask “What is a juggalo?” as being literal, you obviously didn’t listen to some of the more meaningful songs, but its just as well because you probably don’t grasp metaphors either. But to help people like you ICP released the final song of The Wraith – Shangri-La which explains the truth behind all the metaphorical songs. here is a sample:

    Now we have been told this Carnival shit has touched on many lives.
    People have f**kin’ sworn to us they too can feel it inside.
    What is it that draws you in, this magic that compels you?
    We’ve been waiting six f**kin’ Joker Cards to finally tell you.
    The messages and hints were there, although most never picked up on them.
    We snuck ’em in subliminally with that wicked shit around them.
    We mentioned more and more of this on every Joker’s Card.
    The bottom line always the same, you ain’t have to look hard!
    We wickedly kick it, inflict it, you get it,
    Get with it and dig we don’t preach it flat out,
    ‘Cause some ninjas don’t wanna get with ya,
    They quick to forget ya without the hatchet and gat out.
    So we rose the hatchet, do or die, now Juggalos standing tall,
    After all 6 have risen the end of time will consume us all.
    It aint got nothing to do with us! It aint Psychopathic Records!
    All we’re doing is pointing shit out to you, we in this together!
    Who’s behind the Dark Carnival, the Gatherings and the Hatchet?
    Who’s beind Dark Lotus, the Circus and everybody at it?
    Who inveted Juggalos and Juggalettes and f**kin Faygo showers?
    What about that feeling you get when bumping our shit,
    Who’s behind the Juggalo powers?
    This ain`t no f**kin fan club, It aint about making a buck!
    Don’t buy our f**kin action figures bitch, i dont give a f**k!!
    It aint About Violent J or Shaggy, the Butterfly or Seventeen.
    When we speak of Shangri-La, what you think we mean?
    Truth is we follow GOD!!!!
    We’ve always been behind him!
    The Carnival is GOD and may all Juggalos find him!

    ICP has always at their core been about delivering a positive message in an entertaining way. Only those open-minded enough to listen to the actual message hidden beneath the profanity, violence, and ridiculousness will understand that ICP is preaching about being decent human beings and denouncing rapists, pedophiles, racists, abusive husbands/fathers, and evil people in general.

    You try to understand how the most hated band in the world can have 15+ albums several of which are platinum or gold, why there are so many loyal fans willing to paint their faces to represent their “Clown love”? Perhaps you should put away your desire to hate and listen closely to songs like Hellalujah, Pass me by, halls of illusions, The intro from The Wraith: Shangri-La, Crossing Thy Bridge, The Wraith, Thy Unveiling, Burning Up, and the entire album Bang! Pow! Boom!

    Hopefully you will learn something important about what it REALLY means to be a juggalo. It’s not just about being an ICP fan, its about knowing the true message and carrying those ideals in your heart. A juggalo knows that no matter where he goes, wherever there are juggalos, he has family.

    • 9 rigsamarole September 27, 2010 at 3:51 pm

      Juggalos are grown men and women who dress up like clowns and stage backyard wrestling matches. Your argument is invalid.

    • 10 kcvoodoo April 12, 2011 at 11:10 am

      when i first heard thy unveiling i thought wtf then i listened to it again and was like damn this is wat i have been following tht is the shit

    • 11 gg February 13, 2012 at 1:20 am

      Also the two most abundant thins in the world are stupidity and oxygen, and even oxygen will run out first. I live in a decent apartment in a decent area around decent people. Every “homie” I know is the same way. I do have dress shirts and pants, not all my shit is jeans and icp shirts. Also believe it or not I have an android my wife has a Iphone4 so we aren’t poor eather. You can’t go based on just the bad apples of the group if so then every group is bad. Like dude said there are a lot that dont just goto the cams and not all of us are redneck white trash scum I am not even white so score one for ethnicity asshole

  6. 12 concerned October 29, 2009 at 12:12 pm

    “Only those open-minded enough to listen to the actual message hidden beneath the profanity, violence, and ridiculousness will understand that ICP is preaching about being decent human beings and denouncing rapists, pedophiles, racists, abusive husbands/fathers, and evil people in general.”

    Wow. Ok. I think I understand where you’re coming from, but quite honestly..if they TRULY wanted to put out a positive message, they should not have to make it “entertaining”, the message isn’t supposed to be hidden beneath garbage.

    I am the furthest thing from an ICP fan, although I have friends who adopt the label “juggalo” and yes, some of them are well educated, decent people, but only a select few. Most of the juggalos I know personally, are unemployed, didn’t graduate high school, smoke copious amounts of marijuana, use various other drugs and generally hate anyone who isn’t a juggalo.

    The fact is that 9 out of 10 juggalo’s are one or more of the following: lower class, poverty stricken, drug addicted, abused, alcoholic, ignorant, morbidly obese, and a number of other less than desirable qualities. The juggalos I know that are of the other 10%, don’t go to the gathering, aren’t constantly bickering about who’s more “down”, don’t push the beliefs of this “non”-religion/cult on everyone they meet and they don’t talk/act like “rappers”….

    The reason the record company has sold as much as they have is because when someone in the trailer park starts a trend, what do you think is gonna happen? It spreads like herpes. Every trailer park from east to west coast is crawling with juggalos.. you may find one or two in a nice house in a quiet neighborhood, but they don’t have stickers all over their cars, they just like the music, and listen to it when no one is around, so that they won’t get lumped into that
    “WHITE TRASH JUGGALO” category.

    I’m sorry, but your defense against this blog is pointless, I understand your argument, but the fact remains that no one cares. Juggalos will forever remain outcasts and ridiculed, not because of the music, but rather for their behavior.

  7. 13 JoJo December 18, 2009 at 6:44 am

    I agree with both the prior posts, but I have to add something.

    While yes, the message SHOULD NOT have to be hidden like that, the fact remains that the abundance of idiocy plaguing the human race is near impenetrable except by ‘unconventional means.’ For most, if it wasn’t peppered liberally with profanity and vulgarity, this message wouldn’t even be considered, let alone practiced (not that the ones on camera would give a sh*t anyway.)

    But I do know quite a few people who actually have been touched by this ‘message’ who would have never otherwise seen it because they were worthless morons who wouldn’t listen to anything without a ‘f*ck’ or ‘c*nt’ or ‘b*tch’ in it.

    Sometimes you just have to lure the evil in with something it enjoys in order to let the good choke it the f*ck out.

  8. 14 disgusted. March 1, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    I am THOROUGHLY disgusted in the “Civil Opposition” post that was posted. They may be “against” rape and murder and all that is bad in the world but THE PEOPLE THAT LISTEN TO AND WORSHIP THE “CLOWN LIFE” ARE HORRIBLE BOTTOMFEEDERS. The most disgusting people I have EVER met were juggalos. It makes me SICK, all but ONE that I have met have had children too young, and instead of taking care of that life, they buy themselves those fucking furry leg warmers, and dreadfalls, and juggalo SHIT and faygo and tickets to the gathering and weed and YOU PEOPLE ARE DISGUSTING. If you don’t want to be singled out as the most rediculous, piece-of-shit humans to grace the earth, quit helping the label along. Every juggalo mother I have met has made me seriously depressed upon meeting her children, mental problems, defecating in their rooms at the age of 8, telling a friend’s daughter “I’ll slit your throat you fucking slut” when she’s 7 and he’s 10. Disgusting. Learn to raise your children. Learn to act around humans. LEARN SOME FUCKING HYGIENE. Learn some manners…

    Just disappear, actually. The “juggalo funeral” picture is the most DISGUSTING thing I have ever witnessed though.

  9. 15 Sad March 22, 2010 at 9:57 am

    I was a huge fan of the Clowns years ago. The music always made me laugh and the shows were always entertaining. I went to an easy few dozen shows, and had met both of them as well as some of the other acts that traveled with them. I even got a tattoo of one of the album covers.

    Fast forward. I guess I grew up?

    I really wish I could stand up for Juggalos. Back then I knew some really solid people, and have a ton of great memories. It floors me the judgments people make jokingly when they see the tattoo. People who know me, know better, but still their ire for any ICP fan amazes me. I hate to say it, but the window licker’s that run around anymore ruined it. I’ve met so many that are total wastes of space until they see I’m marked. Seriously? Way to represent, asshats.

  10. 16 skylar bumpus September 22, 2010 at 3:11 am

    WHOOP WHOOP MMFCL

  11. 17 Miz_MURDA October 22, 2010 at 4:06 pm

    iF YOU DONT LIKE iT DONT FUHKN LISTEN TO IT PLAIN FUHKN SIMPLE. MOVE oN WITh ALL THA HATE JiBBer JABisH NOTHIN YOU SAY OR HOW HARD U FUHKN KRY ABOUT HOW BAD THE MUSIC IS OR SAYIN THEY SHUD DO THIS OR THAT IS GOIN TO CHANGE A THING! THE WICKED SHITS HERE TO STAY TALK ALL THE MESS U WANT BUT NOT A DAMN THING U OR ANYONE ELSE HAS TO SAY WILL EVER CHANGE A TRUE JUGGALO SO DO US ALL A FAVOR && SHOVE WHUT U SAYIN UP YO ASZ KUZ WE JUZ DONT GIVE A FUHK!!! WHOOOOP WHOOOP MMFWKCL <333 TO ALL THE JUGGALOz
    LETTE4LYFE

    • 18 rigsamarole October 27, 2010 at 8:49 am

      If you were hoping to improve the case for Juggalos with this misspelled and quite frankly baffling response you have failed miserably. At no point in that rambling, incoherent mess did you ever form any sort of logical idea. I thought maybe I just needed to brush up on my english but for some reason the dictionary I own doesn’t contain the following words:

      ASZ
      FUHK
      WHUT
      FUHKN
      KRY
      SHUD

      So maybe I’m using an outdated version? If you have an extra copy of your dictionary I would love to buy it off you. I assume you take foodstamps and marijuana as currency? Let me know and we can sort something out. Thanks for reading!

  12. 19 neden hunter November 28, 2010 at 6:16 am

    i think that all you should take a second and look. every body knows a “window licker” or a person that has horrible hygiene or even a couple pot head all of them are not juggalos and yet from a short video and a few picks you are ready to judge. how bout you grow up and find something that is worth an argument. plus as for the spelling errors look at your inbox on your cellphone how many of your friends misspell words GROW UP

  13. 20 Rys December 12, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    Thank you Civil Opposition for being able to spell correctly and stand up for Juggalos; I hate “Ghetto speak”. Is it so difficult to pay attention in English class? Clearly the inability to type does not help your case any when arguing online.

    And the reason the “Hatchet Man” is carrying a cleaver is because it was originally drawn on a napkin, in pen, by Shaggy (who is not that great of an artist to begin with), the ink ran and it turned into a cleaver and for some reason it stuck. I’ve asked my boyfriend that question multiple times. The reason they drink Faygo is because it is from the dollar store and most Juggalos live in poverty. I don’t consider myself a Juggalo but I do enjoy listening to some of their songs. My favorite is “To Catch a Predator”.

  14. 21 Oscar L. May 2, 2011 at 10:57 am

    This is shameful what you do, judging all these people and make jokes about them being poor, illiterate, dumb and what not. I don’t live in the US, I live in Europe and english isn’t even my second language but my third. I have a degree in computer science, I have two wonderful well-raised children and YES i consider myself a JUGGALO, at least a part-time one.

    I’m sorry to say, you missed the whole point here. You can take a fucking Beatles song and ridicule all there fans for listening to it, but in the end NO musical group have ever had fans this dedicated, they practically consider themselves family. Where on this planet, besides religion can you find something like this? This is great, people coming together, making friends, enjoying life, listening to music they love. I can only se contempt in your argumentation against these people. You don’t like’em cause they are FAT and Ugly? SO you only like beautiful, slim people? How shallow is that? And you consider yourself to be intelligent?

    Maybe you should target US-politicians for the poverty, and the growing number of obese people? Maybe what you see is a result of something bigger? Can you see that picture? I guess not. I feel sorry for you. Let these people be who they are and MAYBE you should be doing something more rewarding with your own life?

    Sorry for any misspelling.
    MMFCL from Sweden. //A

  15. 22 gg February 13, 2012 at 12:49 am

    Y’all hate I can read and do math and shit like that. I might not have my ged or hsd but I am dealing with my life. I am a juggalo yes I am fat and I don’t have a paper saying that I am smart, but were would you be if you mom died when you where 17 and she was out of state. I had my reasons and I may have fucked up and a lot of us have but fuck you if you want to judge me cuz you see me as fat and stupid.


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