Some of you might not be familiar with this church so let me lay it down for you: They are an insane family who preach the bible to people, but TO THE EXTREME. If you have ever seen a picture on the internet of someone holding a “I hate fags” or “fags burn in hell sign” it is either a member of the WBC, or a British guy who really hates cigarettes. They picket literally everything they can and routinely yell at people on street corners that they will burn in hell. To put it in perspective this church isn’t allowed to come to any part of Canada.Ever. They are completely banned from Canada because the government thinks they are a hate group and they are afraid Canadian citizens will straight up murder their asses.
This family hates gay people to the point where it goes from rage inducing to just sad and awkward. They also love picketing dead soldiers funerals since they think God killed them because at some point in their life they must have given the thumbs up to a lesbian couple or something. In other words: If you are gay, if you don’t care either way about gay people, or if you are accepting of gay people, the WBC wants you to die and go straight to hell. They have a name for people that accept gay people, and no it isn’t “rational thinkers” its “FAG ENABLER” I personally, am in love with this term. Maybe because it sounds to me like a good thing and also it sounds like something you could find in the phonebook next to plumbers and electricians.
“My fag won’t set up properly…I should call an enabler, he’ll get my fag router all fixed up”
But all jokes aside, these people are truly despicable and I have such an unbridled rage towards them that I have to make jokes in order to not punch my computer screen repeatedly while frothing at the mouth. At what point do you wake up and tell yourself, you know what I hate? LITERALLY EVERYONE. I joke about hating lots of people (cough, Nicolas Cage, cough) but if it’s one thing I love it’s the rights for everyone everywhere to fall in love with whoever they want so I find it truly awful that these people are so hatefilled towards a group of people who just want to live and love like the rest of us (Giller award please) I’m not really familiar with the bible since pretty much everything I know about it I learned from the movie Seven and a design-a-mug: bible edition my friend bought for me as a joke, but I think I’m correct in thinking that God frowns upon people being total hatefilled dickheads.
There’s actually an amazing documentary on youtube about this family and I haven’t seen something that made me alternate between laughing and crying this much since The Police Academy movie where they go to Russia.
That documentary is seriously worth a watch, if only for the unintentional laughs.
But it’s not just Gay people this church hates, they also hate pretty much everyone else. Chances are they probably hate you. I know they hate me because I have no problem with gay and lesbians and I once had a sex dream about Barack Obama, so I’m pretty much destined to head to the worst layer of hell. The best part of this church is their signs, oh god the signs. Some of them are so bizarre they are hilarious. There’s the run of the mill “God hates fags” but there’s also some other fantastic offerings like:
- Liz Taylor: Fag Lover (my personal favorite)
- You will eat your babies
- Bitch Burger (Wha??)
- Barack will eat your babies
- God REALLY hates Italy
- God hates your tears (this one seems less hateful and more about how God doesn’t want you to be sad)
- Fags eat poop (this one has a little cartoon poo at the bottom with stink lines so kudos for the artistic effort)
As you can tell, This church gives me enough material to make fun of them for months, if not years. This whole situation totally blows my mind and I really hope God is up there freaking out that they’re bringing his name into all of their insane ramblings. The WBC have some pretty amazing websites you guys can check out too! http://www.godhatesfags.com there’s also http://www.godhatescanada.com and http://www.godhatestheworld.com which suspiciously leaves out New Zealand, so I guess they’re huge Lord of the Rings fans. Oh wait, Merry and Pippin were sort of gay together so scratch that.
But it’s not just Countries they hate! They also hate a wide variety of things:
- Lady Gaga
- The Academy Awards
- Michael Jackson
- Italians (probably because of Jersey Shore)
- Anyone who isn’t Christian (obviously)
- The Pope
- Isaac Hayes
- New York City
- Heath Ledger
- Ireland (YOU SONS OF BITCHES I WILL CAR BOMB YOU)
So as you can see their hate varies from major religions to social networking tools. I’m pretty sure even Hitler hated less things then these turds. They also hate cultural arts, more specifically “Fag Plays” so hopefully this doesn’t escalate to them picketing children’s Christmas pageants
People like this baffle me because I can’t understand basing your entire life around hating pretty much everyone and being excited that you’re going to heaven and they aren’t.
I really dislike a lot of people but I can’t say that I would be happy to know they’re going to go to hell. It sucks really bad there, there’s the tattered rags and constant wailing and burning so no, I don’t really want anyone to go there. Except for maybe every single person in the Westboro Baptist Church. Wouldn’t that be hilarious? They’re all burning in hell while George Takei and his husband blow them kisses from heaven and Barack Obama’s grandma laughs at them and high fives Jesus. Oh man I’m excited for Heaven! it’s going to be kick ass.
But honestly, these people are disgusting and I actually thought about whether or not to write about them but I decided in the end we should all probably just mock and boo these jerkoffs because in the end we are all much, much better than them and I’m pretty sure God thinks so too. Also, we are all much better looking than them in their dumpy outfits. Yea, I said it.