5 of the lamest sports ever created.

1. Ultimate Frisbee

I've got to say, I was skeptical but the green visor sold me.

Are you kidding me with this? this is an actual sport? Frisbee on its own is only fun 30% of the time, the rest of the time it’s either too windy or the person you’re playing with is a fucking jackass and throws like an idiot(me) Frisbee is also only fun when you are in a summer situation with lots of liquor and a barbecue is somewhere in the near vicinity.

In no way, shape or form should Frisbee be considered a real sport. Adding “ultimate” to something does not make it ultimate. Have you ever heard of “ultimate card house making” or “ultimate whittling”?  No. No you have not. Because those are clearly not ultimate activities and nothing will ever change that.

ULTIMATE WEAVING IN A POOR GUATEMALAN VILLAGE!!

It’s not really so much the game that I hate but those assholes that play it. Crunchy hippie losers who play a rousing game of Ultimate Frisbee then talk about it loudly at a coffee shop while they drink organic coffee so everyone in the place knows how active and extreme they are. We get it you turds, we get it.

..or maybe guys like this play ultimate frisbee. It could really go either way.Yikes.

Anyways,  I  guess in ultimate Frisbee you just run around faster and  try to throw the Frisbee in the opponents net or some sort of like weird bowl or something? I’m pretty unclear and I don’t want to get caught googling “ultimate frisbee” or my boyfriend might break up with me. It sounds a lot like soccer only way more terrible. Why wouldn’t you just play soccer? I wouldn’t judge anyone if they said “Hey, I’m going to go play soccer, catch you later” but if you replace soccer with ultimate Frisbee then I’m afraid I have to sock you one right in the chops and then you can talk about that while you shovel trail mix into a bag in the bulk food section of an organic market. You disgust me.

2. Interpretive Dance

put those Jazz hands away young lady, we don't want them.

It could be argued that it isn’t a real sport but I really just want to make fun of it so for the time being, it is a sport. I do not understand the concept of this whatsoever. What are you interpreting? more importantly, why are we forced to watch?

Interpretive dance is like the David Lynch film of the dance world: no one understands it but pompous artsy jagoffs claim they do while the rest of us are just really weirded out.

WHAT THE SHIT IS GOING ON

You know how people write stories about TV shows and movies and draw the characters from them and shit? Is it possible that there are people out there that do interpretive dance acting out last weeks episode of Law and Order? COULD YOU IMAGINE??? I would actually watch that.

ah yes, the scene where a lawyer yells at a judge is beautifully displayed here

Now I will be honest, who among us hasn’t gotten wasted and created a hand gesture dance to go along to say, Don’t stop believing or Heat of the moment? I know I have. The only difference is I know I’m being an obnoxious jackass and I also don’t don a leotard and get some ribbons to wave in the air to really emphasize the fact that she’s just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. The only exception to the rule that interpretive dance is lame is the music video Praise you by Fatboy Slim. My god is that amazing.

3.Wrestling

Oh uh...I'll come back later..

I’m not talking about World Wrestling Entertainment, or when guys get drunk. move aside the coffee table and wrestle in the living room. I’m talking about real wrestling, like roman style. It’s just awkward.

I feel extremely uncomfortable watching this. there is far too many grunts involved and I feel like fingers could easily slip into various holes. Everyones faces are always really red and I just cannot handle it, I’m getting uncomfortable just talking about it.  I also feel extremely uncomfortable watching girls wrestle because It’s like at any moment their breast might pop out and then I would start laughing and then they would beat the shit out of me in the parking lot afterwards. These are all things I do not want to occur.

SEE??? there's only like a centimeter of fabric covering that nip!

Wrestling was somewhat big in my highschool and I never really got why. I’m sure it does take some strength and talent but why not do something more badass like kick boxing or something? at least then if someone tries to roll you in a parking lot you can scissor kick them in the face and not just mount them awkwardly and grunt in their ear. Although, that would also probably have a very terrifying effect on them. Actually if you’re reading this and you’re a wrestler please don’t come to my house and give me a stone cold stunner.

4. Curling

HATE HATE HATE

Words cannot express how deeply I loathe curling. As a child I was dragged to the curling rink  almost every goddamn Saturday to either play or watch and it destroyed my life. They had cartoons on in this little TV hanging from the roof but the sound was off so I just had to squint and guess what The Ghostbusters were talking about. It was awful and I still wake up in a cold sweat at night thinking about all the great jokes I missed cartoon Venkman making. To  be fair, I did enjoy playing with my family when I was little but we could have been throwing cards into a hat for all I cared, I just liked hanging out with them and plus my parents always let me buy something from the concession afterwards. But then again the guy that worked at the concession stand was goddamn terrifying and I was convinced he was a Frankenstein monster.  So yea, Curling sucks.

pretty much exactly what he looked like. Bowtie and everything!

But back to the actual sport: I hate it. I hate the rink, I hate the game, I especially hate the yelling that constantly occurs. SCREAMING HURRY HARD DOESN’T MAKE THE ROCK GO ANY FASTER YOU ASSHOLES. It just…It just enrages me. Even the sound of curling makes me see red, I probably sound like a bad Canadian but Jesus Christ why couldn’t the US pretend that they invent curling and not basketball. Plus the rink always has grimy benches and there’s always some drunk guy named Irv or Reg hanging out drinking pitchers of beer. Ugh. My brother still curls all the time and he’s actually pretty good at it so I’m torn between being proud of him and wanting to knock his teeth out. Luckily he doesn’t read my blog (jerk off)

5. Professional Poker

Poker? I hardly know her! but seriously, your breasts are showing.

Now to be clear, I have no problem with people playing this with their friends at home and having poker nights but as soon as it’s on ESPN or whatever I have a problem with it. You assholes. Who do you think you are with your sunglasses and your little smirks. HOW DARE YOU BE ON MY TV? I would rather watch hours upon hours of Two and a Half Men and you guys know how much I hate that show. In fact, doesn’t Charlie Sheen seem like the kind of jerk who would go and play televised poker? ARGGHHH.

Also of all the games in the world to be televised why make it poker? Wouldn’t you rather watch a Monopoly tourney? You could see how long it takes someone to flip the board and call the banker an asshole. Or a Scrabble tourney could be sort of fun if it was dirty word edition.

this came up when I googled "dirty scrabble" and it was really just too good not to share. You're welcome.

But Honestly, who watches this shit? I assume only other poker players and dogs that had the TV left on by their owners so they wouldn’t be lonely. Remember like 2 years ago when poker was really popular all of a sudden and there was poker themed glasses and poker sets all over the damn place? I was hoping that fad would just disappear much like the bagel fad of the 90’s but it looks like it didn’t. Maybe the thing that pisses me off the most is the fact that people get paid to play this shit in their undies in front of their computer. They should be writing angry, ranting comedy blogs for free instead! no wait then I would be out of a job(???) stick to being smarmy in your sunglasses and hat that says Goldenpalace.com on the front please.

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26 Responses to “5 of the lamest sports ever created.”


  1. 1 Amy April 7, 2010 at 4:55 pm

    I can’t handle Ultimate Frisbee; I used to get dragged to Youth Group campouts, finding solace in the fact that they would always advertize sports being a prominent activity. I was ALWAYS cheated, cheated so bad, because those assholes always wanted to play Ultimate Frisbee instead of Kickball. I showed them- they’re all married with a brood of kids, a mortgage, and doctrine-induced shame. I’m a college dropout, living on a beach in a third world country where a liter of liquor costs less than a dollar.

  2. 2 Bryant April 8, 2010 at 4:29 am

    where’s Ultimate cake off?

  3. 3 Natalie April 8, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    my BF’s ex wife is on the national Ultimate frisbee team here. They are going to Portugal in the summer to play. She takes it very seriously. I on the other hand see it as a random thing to do while baked , as everything is more fun when high. true story.

  4. 4 Sailer April 14, 2010 at 11:44 am

    First off, ultimate frisby and curling are so fun. Especially curling. Second, whu isn’t Polo and it’s retarded brother, Water Polo not on the list? Get it together, Wolfe!

  5. 5 Sam May 23, 2010 at 2:19 am

    If you’d ever watched an actual competitive game of Ultimate I guarantee you’d see more athleticism in 20 minutes than you would in 3 hours of any “major” sport.

    But yes…the douche bag non-athletes do give us a bad name…

  6. 6 Nico September 27, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    I think you’re an idiot! Who are you to judge what sports are lame and what sports are fun. Everyone loves different things and people shouldn’t be insulted for doing so. I personaly play ultimate frisbee and love it, but I also play many other sports as well and none come close to how much fun and laid back ultimate frisbee is. Why don’t you actually try and play the sport before you all insult it!

    Final note you’re all morons especially the author who blogs her opinions about stuff that no one wants to here!

    • 7 rigsamarole September 27, 2010 at 3:22 pm

      I’m sorry that you must have apparently suffered a debilitating accident during a rousing game of Ultimate Frisbee that has, obviously, scrambled your fucking brains. Thus causing you to forever mistake comedy websites for serious, hard hitting journalism. Judging by the amount of spelling errors in your complaint and the fact that you used the word “laid back” to describe a sport leads me to believe that you smoke a lot of pot. You are the angriest pot smoker I have ever encountered and I once ran over Woody Harrelson’s dog in front of him. Shine on you crazy diamond!

      Lovingly yours,
      Rigs

      • 8 Nico September 28, 2010 at 1:01 pm

        Yeah I suffered injuries because I mispelled one word, not the chick that blogs her idiotic opinions to a bunch of jackasses who hang on her every word. I feel bad for anyone who comes in contact with you in having to deal with your prejudice opinions based on what your air head come sup with on the spot. And no I don’t smoke pot I just know who to relax and be chill.

        One Love

  7. 9 Sam September 28, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    Hey Rigs I’m gonna start my own list of 5 lamest authors of stupid comedy websites and you and you’re site will be a sure shot at number 1. You’re a bitch, peace!

    • 10 rigsamarole September 28, 2010 at 1:25 pm

      Is there a cash prize attached to being number one on your list of 5 lamest authors of stupid comedy websites? If so I would honored to accept. I will accept the following currency:

      -Canadian Dollars
      -Doubloons
      -Nazi Gold
      -Rupees (The legend of Zelda ones, not the Pakistan ones)

      Hope to hear from you soon!

      All my best to you and yours.

  8. 11 Brio Fairfield June 24, 2011 at 1:46 am

    what an idiot, Ultimate frisbee is fun and takes a lot of stamina and skill to be halfway decent.

  9. 12 Joshua October 7, 2011 at 1:29 am

    I play Collegiate Level ultimate. It takes a different skill set to soccer and its more like football 2, 25-yard endzones and a 70×40-yard field. you get assholes who play in pickup but im guessing none of them actually play. you also have to learn to play in wind, they arnt going to cancel tourneys because its windy. Yes, you can have opinions about these sports however, until you have an accurate discription of them dont f*cking put them on the web.

  10. 13 matt February 15, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAyEti-_lR8. just watch then rate frisbee #1. it’s funny to watch people talk about things like they know something about it.

  11. 14 marty February 17, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Hey you frisbee pussies, why don’t you try a real sport….. LIKE KNITTING!!

  12. 15 http://bestnaturalhealthsupplements.com March 20, 2012 at 10:39 am

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  13. 16 RigsamaroleIsFat August 4, 2012 at 4:32 am

    haha she obviously put ultimate on here because she’s too horizontally challenged to play it herself.. why dont you get your fat ass off the internet and maybe do something physical once in a while instead of writing some ridiculous blog that nobody cares about.

    P.S. you’re a fat whore.

    • 17 rigsamarole August 14, 2012 at 3:40 pm

      Whoa whoa whoa guy! First of all: you missed a really great chance to work “horizontally challenged” and calling me a whore into a joke. Second of all: obviously some people care about my blog. Like you for instance. You cared enough to read it, and then comment on it. Thanks for the page view! I do it all for the readers.

      Now this last part is very important. I think Ultimate Frisbee is stupid and mock worthy, you obviously feel differently. But instead of putting your thoughts into an eloquent, well thought out statement, you decided to call me not only fat, but also a whore. This perplexes me. I wasn’t aware that we knew each other on a personal level, or more likely that you made friends with a Bizarro version of me who is both fat and a whore.

      I obviously have no problem with people having opinions online, since I have this blog and I make my opinions on it. I do have a problem with people like you. People like you are not funny. You can be mean and funny (It works for most comedians) and you can be mean and not funny. (that’s you!!) Instead of say, throwing back a barb my way about how my opinion on this sport is different than yours you decided to hit low and call me a fat whore.

      I would like to know the thought process of this. I feel like I can picture you, hammering away on your keyboard “hmmmm she made fun of a sport I like! I KNOW! I’ll call her a fat whore despite the fact that I know nothing about her physical abilities, her weight or the amount of sexual partners she has had! mwahahah! I’m so clever and have lots of friends!!!” People like you ruin the internet for the rest of us. Good day to you sir!

      P.S- Ultimate Frisbee is still for stupid fucking hippies. YOU FAT WHORE. (zing!!)

      • 18 Melissa November 19, 2012 at 9:17 am

        I started playing ultimate frisbee this past summer. I came across your blog looking for ways to workout, to better myself while playing. I don’t consider myself a “crunchy hippie”, and I drink Publix coffee.

        When people make fun of something over the Internet, it’s really hard to take them seriously. Then again, this blog doesn’t seem like it’s trying to be taken seriously.

        “Anyways, I guess in ultimate Frisbee you just run around faster and try to throw the Frisbee in the opponents net or some sort of like weird bowl or something?”

        When people make fun of something and don’t even know how the sport, craft, whatever works, those people lose credibility. Besides, “frisbee” is completely different from “ultimate frisbee”. There’s hanging out in the park throwing a frisbee, then there’s the sport. It’s a fairly new sport compared to soccer or basketball, so I suppose people might not take it seriously. And if your boyfriend breaks up with you because you take time to learn about something new, that’s just sad.

        An activity where people are getting outside, getting in shape, and having fun doesn’t deserve to be made fun of.

        Play it, then hate it.

      • 19 rigsamarole November 20, 2012 at 4:08 pm

        First of all: Kudos to you for expressing your opinions without calling me a fat whore. It is very refreshing.

        This website is of course not to be taken seriously, and I kid because I love. You obviously love Ultimate Frisbee, and I obviously love being an asshole on The Internet. Also, There totally is a weird bowl thing in ultimate frisbee and we both know it!

  14. 20 Angie November 21, 2012 at 2:50 am

    I’m a long time watcher and I just believed I’d drop by and
    say hello there there for the very 1st time.

    I critically take pleasure in your posts. Many thanks
    You will be my role models. Thanks for your article

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  16. 22 hanni_b@hotmail.com May 12, 2013 at 7:41 am

    Hi, most Ultimate players in the UK are doctors, scientists, students, teachers, lawyers, nurses, support workers, business men, such a wide variety of professions, very few ‘hippies’ or ‘bums’ unless you class students doing law degrees as hippies. It’s also starting to be taught in schools as it incorporates aspects and skills from different sports including american football, football, rugby, hockey, netball, basketball. A weekend tournament usually involves having four to six 70 minute games both days, about 15 miles worth of running in total i believe. It also promotes fair but extremely competitive play and embraces beginners, so promotes sports at grass roots and sports in the community, perfect for healthy lifestyles. We tend to go for pub lunch and a beer rather than rabbit food from the health store though, you earn a good hearty meal after the amount of exercise you do playing! Its really good for mixing with different characters and people from different walks of life too, and for men and women to play together, especially women being respected by the men on their team (and those men who don’t play in open teams anyway and aren’t really known for their good spirit and sportsmanship).
    Hope you eventually get to discover what Ultimate really is and maybe even take part in a local tournament one day, you’ll be surprised. x

  17. 23 UnrelentingFarce October 3, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    “I don’t want to get caught googling ‘ultimate frisbee’ or my boyfriend might break up with me.”

    Yes, but I’m sure he’d be thrilled with the fact that you have a blog. Or with the fact that you do nothing on said blog but vulgarly hate on things you don’t even know anything about.

    And you call ultimate players “losers.”

    Whoever your boyfriend is, send him my apologies and my encouragement to do better.

    • 24 rigsamarole February 12, 2014 at 12:37 pm

      Its so funny you mention my boyfriend, because Ultimate Frisbee had a hand in how we met! We met in a park where some people were playing ultimate frisbee. I was jogging, he was walking his dog and we both stopped to watch the game for awhile. “What a bunch of fucking idiots” we both said in unison. Our eyes locked. We smiled at each other and he asked if I wanted to continue the conversation about pseudo hippy ass lame sports at a nearby coffee shop. I of course said yes and the rest is history. 🙂


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