Worst TV shows (thankfully most have been canceled)

We all love some shitty shows, some of us hide it but it’s true. Every single one of you loves a show despite knowing it’s absolutely terrible. But the shows I’m about to discuss with you here are so horrendous that if you are a fan of one of them you should probably put some rocks in your pocket and run towards the nearest body of water.

1. Who’s your Daddy?

oh Fox, you and your creepy sexual terms

Some of you might not be familiar with this show because it never actually made it to air in some countries and it got pulled after one episode in North America because it was so horrible offensive. As someone who once almost got punched in the face by a man for being a dickhead, I can vouch that this show even offends me.

The premise is that a contestant who was adopted is put in a room with 25 men who could potentially be her father. She then has to guess which one is her real dad and if she guesses correctly she gets $100, 000 and reunited with her father. If she guesses incorrectly she doesn’t get any money but still get reunited with Daddy dearest. And no, I am not making this up on the spot. Oh did I mention that if she guesses wrong, the man she picks gets the money? Thereby opening the floodgates for these men to pretend that she is their daughter in hopes of getting a bunch of cash? Because that is pretty much the entire show. It’s sort of  like a really, really dickish version of Mamma Mia.

Please tell me Maury makes a special guest appearance in this movie

Not surprisingly this show was met with thousands of complaints and hopefully the guy who green lighted it took the crackpipe out of his mouth and replaced it with a revolver.

2. Little Chocolatiers (unfortunately not canceled)

GET IT??? THEY'RE SMALL!!!

Not yet canceled but I’m hoping this will get the train moving because my god it’s about midgets making chocolate and I just really wanted to complain about it. I have had a problem with TLC for some time now. What the hell is your deal anyways? Do you still stand for the learning channel or something completely different at this point? judging by the stupid shit you put on your channel daily I’m guessing you no longer feel like anyone is learning anything from you. This show is no exception. It’s like everyone hotboxed the writing room and starting giggling about midgets and then ate 14 Oh Henry bars and came up with the concept for this show. Then again this is a network that has not one, but two shows dedicated solely to people making different cakes.

Midgets making chocolate. Why the fuck would I want to watch this? I don’t like watching midgets do anything and I certainly don’t want to watch the exciting world of making chocolate. I would rather watch my cat lick his fanny for 15 minutes than this garbage.

also slightly better than the Celebrity Apprentice.

Anyways, I have actually never seen this show but I hate it because I think it will lead to more shows that are people doing random jobs but they have some sort of mild disability or setback. Cake shops ran by people with Tourettes, tattoo parlors ran by albinos, motorcycle shops ran by violent retards. When does it stop?

I'm not even trying to be funny here, I just genuinely hate these dickheads

Also, I think this show could have a hit on its hands if they made the midgets dress up like Oompa Loompas and occasionally kick people out of their stores with one of those songs from Willy Wonka.That I would watch.

3. Cavemen

s

so sexy! *HORRF HORRF*

First of all, every single person on the planet loves the Geico Gecko so why the fuck wouldn’t you give him his own show over these cavemen? Might I remind you that the gecko has an adorable british accent? You blew it ABC!

pictured: A GODDAMN NATIONAL TREASURE

The premise of this short lived sitcom is that the cavemen live in normal society and try to overcome the social stigma of looking like cavemen, and the stereotype of cavemen being dumb even though they’re intelligent and live and function perfectly fine in society. That’s it. That’s the whole show. I’m going to go ahead and say it: Replace cavemen with “black people” and you get the most racist show in the history of television.

How can an entire show hinge on this idea? I assume the show is just the cavemen constantly being verbally abused and not taken seriously. This is so dumb because if they just shaved and cut their hair they would just look like mildly ugly men with giant foreheads.

Mena Suvari has been living among us for years and only her closest friends know she's a cavewoman

I did find an entire episode on youtube but I’m far too busy drunk lazy  to watch it, and I’m just going to forget about this whole unfortunate show like the rest of the world did.

4. Emeril

pictured: a clearly insane man

Remember Americas infatuation with Emeril in like 2001? Well if not let me give you a refresher: He has a televised cooking show and said “BAM!” whenever he put things in pans, thereby allowing thousands of douchebags to utter the same when they cooked some shitty chicken dish for the girl they were currently trying to sleep with.

For some reason the asshats over at NBC decided to give him his own sitcom even though he has no acting training or talent whatsoever and he was just a cook with a somewhat memorable catch phrase. As you can imagine, it was goddamn terrible.

WE GET IT.

Mercifully the world forgot about  Emeril quickly and his popularity went the way of the Beanie Baby and the bagel craze.

5. Viva Laughlin

This was already pre made for me! God I love you Internet, I forgive you for rule 34. (don't look it up)

The premise of this show is a murder mystery that takes place in a popular casino in Laughlin, Nevada. Oh yea, and it’s a musical. The good(???) part starts a the minute mark:

If you didn’t watch that clip you need to. If you did watch that clip, yes that actually aired on television. Fans of The Soup will be familiar with that because it has been used over and over again on that show because, well it’s just too good not to. This show was put out of its misery after just two episodes but it’s almost a shame because they probably could have tweaked it a bit to be really baffling. Like an all singing and dancing Twin Peaks. Throw in some backwards talking and inexplicable transvestite cops and there you have it. But no, it wasn’t meant to be. OH and did I mention Hugh Jackman was in this show too?

Goddamn it Wolverine.

Anyways, thank god this show was put out of its misery and the idea of a musical television show will never haunt us again.

OH GOD DAMN IT

Advertisements

9 Responses to “Worst TV shows (thankfully most have been canceled)”


  1. 2 entertainment May 23, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    I can believe someone actually came up with the idea of “Who is My Dad?”

    Isn’t there any adoption law which prohibit that?

  2. 3 dee June 28, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    LISTEN IT UP, you got some nerve to post up your opinions on A WEBSITE WHERE EVERY PERSON CAN SEE!!! You think midgets are funny? You know what?! What if you were born small? If i was like you…i would lmao!But i understand what they went through! They were teased and bullied by colleagues at their schools for being small. Apperantly you didnt watch the show when they got offeneded by a man calling them midgits! So remember…what if you were a dwarf?
    THEY ARENT OOMPA LOOMPAS!

    • 4 rigsamarole September 15, 2010 at 5:36 pm

      I don’t know what I was thinking putting my opinions on a comedy website that I own, run and write for! Next time I’ll speak my opinions softly into my pillow so I don’t offend anyone.

  3. 5 MARLENE JONES September 15, 2010 at 8:47 am

    You are the most bigoted asswipe I have ever had the displeasure of encountering. who the hell are you? These people are sweet, decent, loving, talented people. I have watched it from the start and the things they whip up out of chocolate are nothing short of amazing. If you had half the talent this couple has you wouldn’t have to go online talking shit about people you know nothing about. You admit to never having watched this program. You could at least see the creations that are made my this wonderful couple. Or you could go crawl up someonEs ass and do what you do best: sniff shit. JERK.

    • 6 rigsamarole September 15, 2010 at 5:30 pm

      I’m glad you took the time to read my blog and comment, it really keeps me going as I, much like those tiny chocolate makers, have faced diversity. You see, I am a midget myself and it takes a lot out of me to type out these entries on this normal people sized keyboard. If I have to type the word “whip” I need to take a break in between since the W and the P are so far apart on the keyboard. I also suffer from, as you pointed out, a debilitating shit sniffing compulsion. So I understand. I understand all too well. I do agree that they are probably talented but you must agree that the only reason they have a television show is because they’re midgets. They are a sideshow act and probably realize that but decided the big cheques are worth being made fun of on national television. No pun intended about the big cheque comment.

      Lovingly yours,
      Rigs

  4. 7 Kris April 26, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    Please watch the Little Chocolatiers. You will hate it even more, I promise because the man in that show does nothing. Nothing. He walks around, he talks, he eats shit. He never makes chocolate. He is in it only because he is short. I kid you not. It is the Little Chocolatier and Her Really Short Annoying Man.

    Watch it.


  1. 1 The cause for the teardrops on my pillow: a review of my hate mail « vodka for breakfast Trackback on September 29, 2010 at 12:47 pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s





%d bloggers like this: