We all love some shitty shows, some of us hide it but it’s true. Every single one of you loves a show despite knowing it’s absolutely terrible. But the shows I’m about to discuss with you here are so horrendous that if you are a fan of one of them you should probably put some rocks in your pocket and run towards the nearest body of water.
1. Who’s your Daddy?
Some of you might not be familiar with this show because it never actually made it to air in some countries and it got pulled after one episode in North America because it was so horrible offensive. As someone who once almost got punched in the face by a man for being a dickhead, I can vouch that this show even offends me.
The premise is that a contestant who was adopted is put in a room with 25 men who could potentially be her father. She then has to guess which one is her real dad and if she guesses correctly she gets $100, 000 and reunited with her father. If she guesses incorrectly she doesn’t get any money but still get reunited with Daddy dearest. And no, I am not making this up on the spot. Oh did I mention that if she guesses wrong, the man she picks gets the money? Thereby opening the floodgates for these men to pretend that she is their daughter in hopes of getting a bunch of cash? Because that is pretty much the entire show. It’s sort of like a really, really dickish version of Mamma Mia.
Not surprisingly this show was met with thousands of complaints and hopefully the guy who green lighted it took the crackpipe out of his mouth and replaced it with a revolver.
2. Little Chocolatiers (unfortunately not canceled)
Not yet canceled but I’m hoping this will get the train moving because my god it’s about midgets making chocolate and I just really wanted to complain about it. I have had a problem with TLC for some time now. What the hell is your deal anyways? Do you still stand for the learning channel or something completely different at this point? judging by the stupid shit you put on your channel daily I’m guessing you no longer feel like anyone is learning anything from you. This show is no exception. It’s like everyone hotboxed the writing room and starting giggling about midgets and then ate 14 Oh Henry bars and came up with the concept for this show. Then again this is a network that has not one, but two shows dedicated solely to people making different cakes.
Midgets making chocolate. Why the fuck would I want to watch this? I don’t like watching midgets do anything and I certainly don’t want to watch the exciting world of making chocolate. I would rather watch my cat lick his fanny for 15 minutes than this garbage.
Anyways, I have actually never seen this show but I hate it because I think it will lead to more shows that are people doing random jobs but they have some sort of mild disability or setback. Cake shops ran by people with Tourettes, tattoo parlors ran by albinos, motorcycle shops ran by violent retards. When does it stop?
Also, I think this show could have a hit on its hands if they made the midgets dress up like Oompa Loompas and occasionally kick people out of their stores with one of those songs from Willy Wonka.That I would watch.
First of all, every single person on the planet loves the Geico Gecko so why the fuck wouldn’t you give him his own show over these cavemen? Might I remind you that the gecko has an adorable british accent? You blew it ABC!
The premise of this short lived sitcom is that the cavemen live in normal society and try to overcome the social stigma of looking like cavemen, and the stereotype of cavemen being dumb even though they’re intelligent and live and function perfectly fine in society. That’s it. That’s the whole show. I’m going to go ahead and say it: Replace cavemen with “black people” and you get the most racist show in the history of television.
How can an entire show hinge on this idea? I assume the show is just the cavemen constantly being verbally abused and not taken seriously. This is so dumb because if they just shaved and cut their hair they would just look like mildly ugly men with giant foreheads.
I did find an entire episode on youtube but I’m far too busy drunk lazy to watch it, and I’m just going to forget about this whole unfortunate show like the rest of the world did.
Remember Americas infatuation with Emeril in like 2001? Well if not let me give you a refresher: He has a televised cooking show and said “BAM!” whenever he put things in pans, thereby allowing thousands of douchebags to utter the same when they cooked some shitty chicken dish for the girl they were currently trying to sleep with.
For some reason the asshats over at NBC decided to give him his own sitcom even though he has no acting training or talent whatsoever and he was just a cook with a somewhat memorable catch phrase. As you can imagine, it was goddamn terrible.
Mercifully the world forgot about Emeril quickly and his popularity went the way of the Beanie Baby and the bagel craze.
5. Viva Laughlin
The premise of this show is a murder mystery that takes place in a popular casino in Laughlin, Nevada. Oh yea, and it’s a musical. The good(???) part starts a the minute mark:
If you didn’t watch that clip you need to. If you did watch that clip, yes that actually aired on television. Fans of The Soup will be familiar with that because it has been used over and over again on that show because, well it’s just too good not to. This show was put out of its misery after just two episodes but it’s almost a shame because they probably could have tweaked it a bit to be really baffling. Like an all singing and dancing Twin Peaks. Throw in some backwards talking and inexplicable transvestite cops and there you have it. But no, it wasn’t meant to be. OH and did I mention Hugh Jackman was in this show too?
Goddamn it Wolverine.
Anyways, thank god this show was put out of its misery and the idea of a musical television show will never haunt us again.