You chumps asked, this chump answered

Earlier I asked you guys to ask me some questions so I could make a Q&A page and shockingly enough only two of the many questions I received were requests for boob pictures. I misjudged you, Internet. So I answered the questions as best I could and I would like to thank those of you who sent in questions because you pretty much wrote this thing for me (suckers!!)

1.I watched the X-files a lot back in the day and there was always this debate of whether agents Mulder and Scully ever had sex.

Seems most die hard fans (mostly Male and in love with Dana Scully) Claim that they NEVER had sex, with some fans even making reference to an episode where they do have sex on a cruise ship, not counting because they where in an alternate dimension.

since you are one of the rare female fans of the show and therefore have no vested interest in the purity of Scully’s Character. (though you do have a lust for David Duchovny)

What is your opinion on the Mulder/Scully sex allegations?

I have waited years for someone to ask me this question and I can answer it in amazing depth. Not only did Mulder and Scully bone but they totally had a baby! By the time the baby rolled around it was in Season 8 and Mulder had been out of the show for an entire year so obviously my interest was waning. It was actually really weird because she was just sort of preggers all of a sudden and their boss was like “so… it Mulders?” That is literally how it was brought up. So she was like oooh I dunno heee hee but it totally was. They named the baby Williams after Mulders father who got shot to death in a bathroom while Mulder was napping on the couch (putting that FBI training to work)  and then later gave him up for adoption because super genetically modified soldiers were trying to murder him or something. They brought him up briefly in the second X Files movie but other than that he was never spoken of again because I think everyone involved realised he was a terrible plot device. Oh also in the very last episode of the series they started calling each other Dana and Fox which weirded me out way more than it probably should have. And as far as the episode where they kissed(but unfortunately didn’t bang) in the alternate reality, I totally count that because that episode was fantastic on the account of having both Nazis and an amazing chase scene set to big band music. In closing, they lived happily ever after in a house together and for a short time Mulder had a full beard.

2. Could you tell us more about your friend Jenna that you talk about sometimes? She seems like a pretty amazing and beautiful person. I would like to know more about her.

I’m putting the finishing touches on the blog about the time we drank on the bus with all those black dudes. And then I will never speak of you again.

3. What is your favorite part of the human face and why?

Probably the eyebrows because without them we wouldn’t know when someone was being sneaky and Kevin McAllister saying “I made my family disappear!” would be way less hilarious without that eyebrow wiggle.

4.Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?

Only if the homeless person was attractive

5.Have you ever had an imaginary friend? If so, tell me about him. Her? It?

I never did but my brother had an imaginary friend that was a duck. I can’t remember its name. I spent a lot of time with my stuffed animals and had to tuck them in at night because I was convinced if I didn’t they would come alive and murder me.

6.If you could make anyone your slave for a day, who would it be and what would you make them do?

I would make George Lucas my slave for the day and spend it making him apologize from ruining the Star Wars franchise and I would also make him wear Leias gold bikini from Return of the Jedi and stand on a street corner holding a sign that said “I’m really sorry for those awful Star Wars prequels I made”


7.Who would you really just like to punch in the face (aside from Nicholas Cage)?

probably Kesha. I just cannot stand her. Oh, I’m sorry Ke$ha. Now I want to punch her even more because she made me use a dollar sign as a character.

8.If you had the opportunity to re-live any one hour of your life, what would it be?

The first hour we spent together after I said yes to your marriage proposal.

9.Will you marry me?

Yes! yes! A thousand times yes!

10.If you could magically have any career what would it be?

If I wasn’t so awkward infront of cameras I would love to have a talk show, or be a make up artist for Horror Movies. I have literally zero follow through so I don’t see that happening anytime soon.

11.If you could go anywhere where would you go?

I really would love to go to Japan but I would settle for Ireland since I’m a drunken Irish girl. Luckily for me my parents foolishly decided to take my brother and I there for a trip this year, Luckily for you guys as well I’m sure some hilarious writing material will come out of it since most of our family trips are a mix between The Griswolds and that family from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

12.Why did you start this blog anyway. I have a bunch of things to say but I am not motivated to blog…so…why do you?

I literally started writing this thing because my friend Brianne said I should because I’m funny and can write somewhat well. I had written some mini little blog entries in my notes on Facebook and people seemed to like them and Brianne is the blog reading queen so she showed me how to do it. So thank you Sheppy!

13.If you could fight anyone living or dead who would it be and why?

Dead. Because the fight would be easier. Unless they were undead then I might have my hands full.

I am going to kick your ass.

14.What’s it like living in Canadia?

Living in Canada is pretty great because I can be smug to people who don’t live here. Also where I live if you drive for 30 minutes in any direction you’re pretty much in the woods so this allows for many camping trips where I have Doritos for dinner and almost slip and fall in the fire at least 3 times a night.

15.Do people really drink alcohol to stay warm?

I drink alcohol to stay warm in the winter if we’re going sledding or tubing. Fireball will really warm your heart and also make it so you don’t feel very bad if you cut a child off in the lineup to go down the sled hill. It’s only cold here for like 3 months though so the other months of the year we just drink because it’s there.

16.Have you ever had or known anybody who has had Wendigo psychosis?

I have not and nor has anyone I know, but I am scared shitless of Wendigos.

shit like this is exactly why Wolverine should have stayed in Canada: the constant wendigo attacks

17.Why is everybody in Cananada so short?

Is that a thing? do people think Canadians are short? I’ve never heard that before! I don’t think so, because all my friends are pretty average height, I only know like one short guy and now that I think about he’s actually German so he’s not a true Canadian at all! I’m 5’7 so I think that might be sort of tall for a girl?

18.Can we see more pictures of you, including Bewbies?

I will probably put up more pictures of me but only if they’re hilarious. I said earlier I’m going to Ireland with my family later in the year and I’m actually going to Mexico in a few days, so I’m sure I’ll have some dumb stories to tell you guys complete with photos. Probably no Bewbies though, sorry champ.

19.How many hits do you get in an average month?

I think the average is like 8,000? It dipped down for awhile there because I wasn’t posting as much

20.How many entries do you have written but not published on average? Why?

Probably around 3 or 4. I started writing more often and just saving them so I can put them up when I know I’m going to be busy for awhile, and especially in the summer when I know I won’t want to be sitting inside writing when I could be outside drinking.

21.Where do babies come from?

I’ll tell you when you’re older.

22.What is your name?

It’s Rigby. Rigs for short. I used to hate it when I was younger but now I usually get one of three responses

-Just like the rifle!

-Just like the Beatles song!

-Is that your last name?

-did you say Britney?

23.What is your quest?


24.What is your favorite color?

I have no idea! I wear a lot of black because I have a lot of inner torment but I guess my favorite colour would be blue? That was a stupid question.

25. did you ever eat of cat food accidentally and if so did you kill yourself out of shame afterwards (with a knife or cyanide or w/e it doesnt matter)

Eaten cat food? yes. Accidently? no. You can draw your own conclusions with that answer. I didn’t kill myself from shame because I refuse to be shamed by something that 90% of people did as a child either on a dare from their brother or just out of curiosity.

So there you have it folks! an insight into the wonders of my soul. It’s like seeing a unicorn or a priest flip someone the bird: a magical sight.


6 Responses to “You chumps asked, this chump answered”

  1. 1 sailer February 9, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    Fun fact: for at least the first year we were friends my mom would call you Kirby. No joke.

  2. 2 brianne sheppard February 9, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    Ack.. now I’m responsible for you being on the internet?? That’s a lot of pressure Rigs!

  3. 3 GC February 12, 2011 at 4:10 am

    Yea, whenever a Canadian comes to America we’re amazed at how short they are, how much they drink, and that they want to have sex with everything that moves (very persistent). I suppose they would fit right in with any one of our academic insitutions (sad), but the rest of us just stare in astonishment. We see them here, in DC, a few times a year, but we see them more often in New York.

  4. 4 Erik americo February 13, 2011 at 6:40 pm

    You didnt get the monty python reference?
    also, i dont think ive ever met an american who was taller than me. Or that knew how to drink. Or that was of a high enough iq that i wanted to sleep with them.

  5. 5 GC February 14, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    I bet you don’t meet many Americans in that closet you’re hiding in. BAM.

    In all honesty, there aren’t enough intelligent people in this country, but there really aren’t enough of them in the entire world. It’s obvious something’s wrong when your youth go to college to get drunk and high, but there doesn’t seem to be any rush to do something about it.

  6. 6 Erik americo February 15, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    Dont need to hide in a closet, canada is gay friendly.

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