So I decided to take a break from my usual routine of making fun of bad movies, and discuss some actual good movies for once! I thought in the honor of my favorite holiday of the year, Halloween, I’m going to share with you some of my favorite horrors. I tried to pick a movie from each subgenre of horrors because I’m just a nice guy like that. Also, if you decide to watch any of these, I’ll totally come over and make nachos.
Trick R Treat
If you liked:
Creepshow, Tales from the Crypt, Halloween
I feel like this movie is really overlooked, and as far as I know didn’t go to many theaters if at all. It’s an anthology movie, which I’m a big fan of. I like the idea of shorter contained stories because if one sucks there’s a new one coming up. Unless all of the stories suck, but I haven’t run into that yet. Though Snoop Doggs Hood of Horror came dangerously close.
Anyways, each separate story takes place on a single Halloween night in one town and are linked with a common framing device, and some of them intertwine at parts. It’s scary, gory, and a lot of parts are pretty funny. It doesn’t take itself too seriously, which I love in a horror. The separate stories include some girls going to a bush party, some local kids testing an urban legend, a creepy as shit flashback to a bus crash, and a dad obsessed with making sure people keep Halloween traditions in mind. It’s really fun and a great kick off to the Halloween season.
The Loved Ones
If you liked:
Hostel, Prom Night,
The Internet had been telling me this movie was great for so long and I finally decided to check it out, and I loved it. I’ve watched it twice since because I needed to expose my friends to its greatness. It’s an Australian film about a highschool student that gets asked to prom by an unpopular weirdo, but he (politely I may add) says no, since he already has a girlfriend. She then proceeds to get her dad to kidnap him and hold her own dance in her kitchen with herself as the prom queen and Brent as prom king. Seems legit.
Obviously, things go horribly sideways as they only can in horrors. It’s a bit gory at times, but I’ve been watching weird next level French horrors so it didn’t really bug me much. Also as a plus, as I have mentioned before in my review of the amazing masterpiece Bait, Xavier Samuel is a fucking babe. Kinda less so in this especially since near the end his face is kinda fucked up, but I can work around it. I really wish this movie was more mainstream because going as Brent and Lola would make an amazing couple costume.
Cabin in the Woods
If you liked:
Evil Dead, anything in the Whedonverse, Tucker and Dale vs Evil
This movie had actually been shelved since 2010 but I’m guessing the sudden popularity of my main man Chris Hemsworth helped it finally see the light of day. I cannot praise this movie enough. It’s like a psychotic love letter for fans of the horror genre. It was the most fun I’ve had at the movies in a long time. Please don’t go into this thinking it’s a straight horror. It’s not, and the people sitting ahead of me at the theater were super pissed off about it and kept talking about how stupid it was. It starts with the same old group of sexy co-eds going to a cabin in the woods, but it’s literally like no other horror I’ve seen in a while. It’s funny, it’s scary and it’s completely self aware. It’s pretty impossible to explain without giving away a lot of the plot, so just go watch it. Go!
If you liked:
Saw, Hostel, Martyrs
This movie is a real hidden gem. It kept popping up on my Netflix and I finally decided to check it out even though roughly 70% of horrors on Netflix are ridiculously terrible, and I was a little wary because I knew a lot of the same people who made Saw also made this, and that franchise went fucking bonkers like 3 movies in. But this was surprisingly good. The movie is about an ex con who made it straight but has to do one last job (of course) and breaks into a house to get enough cash for the debt his wife owes to some loan sharks. Pretty standard stuff, but then once he gets into the house he realizes someones already broken in and is torturing the family, so he now has to get himself and the family out safely while avoiding a fuckton of trip wires and booby traps. This movie is very gory and also extremely stressful. I spent most of it screaming at the tv or hiding behind a pillow.
During one scene I have dubbed “the beartrap scene” my friend and I just screamed at the tv for the entirety of it. Also, the main character is babely so that doesn’t hurt. And really how can you go wrong with a movie that has a horrifying bear trap scene? A sequel is being released next month so I’m very excited to freak the fuck out a second time.
If you liked:
The Blair Witch Project, Paranormal Activity, found footage horrors
Again, this movie is a real hidden gem. I’m not sure if it went to theatres or not but it’s definitely worth a look. I thought going into it that it would be just another blah found footage movie, but it is shockingly good. I’m always down for a horror set in an abandoned insane asylum, and this delivers. It’s about the cast and crew of a Ghost Hunter-esque show who set up to film at an old asylum, the beginning scenes are good because they clearly expect nothing to happen and think the whole production is bullshit, but obviously something supernatural does happen or else this would be the lamest fucking movie ever.
This movie does unfortunately suffer from something that plagues most horrors, and that is a very weak ending. It’s still an enjoyable ride, and worth a watch. There’s also a sequel that just recently came out, but it’s bordering on ridiculous and could be missed unless you’re a huge fan of the first.
So there you have it! Hopefully you guys check out the movies and like them as much as I did, and if you don’t then I guess you can go fuck yourself. Happy Halloween!!