By now I’m sure you’ve all heard the news from the “sounds like an Onion headline, but is actually real” files. George Zimmerman will be boxing DMX. I am really hoping that DMX beats Zimmerman to death. Just punches his head right off his body like an angry, barking, Rock’em Sock’em robot. Zimmerman apparently set this whole thing up under the guise of a “celebrity boxing match” He is playing extremely fast and loose with the term Celebrity here, but I’ll give him a pass since that’s what society seems to be doing in general for this trogloldyte. Zimmerman originally wanted to fight Kanye, and I would also love to see that fight, if only for the inevitable beatdown to occur while Kanye is wearing a leather kilt. I was already excited that Kanye might fight this human stain, but then when I found out DMX was doing it instead, I realized God is real. Whether or not this bizarre PR stunt actually occurs is still yet to be seen, but I was reminded of several completely bonkers and bewildering PR stunts from the past few years, and I am going to share them with you.
1. Raging Boll
this one immediately leapt to mind becaue its almost exactly like the Zimmerman/DMX incident only replace “actual murderer” with “really bad director” and “Insane rapper” with “internet nerds” this entire debacle is also my favourite PR disaster ever and I talk about it all the time.
Essentially, really bad director Uwe Boll (responsible for such jewels as Alone in the Dark, House of the Dead and Bloodrayne) got very upset that a lot of people reviewed his movies and come to the agreement that they were indeed the worst things ever. He was really angry about this and decided the best way to express his displeasure with these critics was to lure them into a PR boxing match hosted by Goldenpalace.com. Seems kind of legit and something the internet would be down for right? except it was not a stunt and he just viciously beat everyone involved. I cannot confirm nor deny that Uwe said “lets pound some geeks!” before he went into the ring, but its not a far stretch.
The entire thing was streamed live, and thanks to the glory of the internet is still available to watch on youtube. Though I must warn you that the fights go from “haha!’ to “oh my god he’s killing them!” very quickly. They also made an entire documentary about this madness. Hands down the best thing to come out of this was the post fight interview with my main nerd crush, Rich “Lowtax” Kyanka wherein he tries to make jokes but is clearly enveloped with a fiery rage about the fact he was just lured into a vicious beatdown by a lunatic under the guise of a PR stunt. Uwe Boll thought the entire thing was hilarious. because who can’t find the humour in making a person vomit from smashing him repeatedly in the face?
He continues to make really bad movies and people continue to mock them, so I’m hoping for a Raging Boll pt 2, but I’m also very concerned because I’ve made fun of his movies before and he looks like the type of person who would reign blows down upon a girl so wish me luck.
2.Boston Vs Adult Swim
Everything about this is a hilarious mess. Adult Swim wanted to promote the new Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie, based on the TV show about talking food that live in a house together in New Jersey. They thought the best way to go about advertising this movie was placing several electric ads featuring one of the recurring characters from the show, pixelated aliens named Mooninites (you with me still?) they placed these around Boston and it wasnt long before everyone freaked the hell out because they thought it was a terrorist attack. This is even more amazing when you consider this is what what on the ads:
If you didnt know what Aqua Teen Hunger Force was this would be very confusing. Especially since theres nothing on it explaining that its an advertistment or even any mention of the tv shows name. It’s just a giant lite brite of an alien flipping the bird. But if you DID know what Aqua Teen Hunger Force, it would be extremely hilarious. Especially if you were stoned. Which you most likely were because you are a fan of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I dont know how anyone could ever think that a terrorist would be so demented as to mark their potential attack zone with a purple light up pixelated alien giving the finger, but here we are. Several employees got arrested for the offense, but Adult Swim was pretty excited about the free PR and hoped that the movie would attract more than just burn outs and confused parents who thought it was a kids movie.
In the end all we learned from this was that when installing several ads with electrical components, maybe mention the name of the product its promoting. This also taught us that we should never allow movies to be made that are based off of 15 minute long tv shows.
3. Susan vs Twitter
Remember those SNL skits with Celebrity Jeopardy and Sean Connery would read the titles of the topics incorrectly? like “therapists” is “the rapists” this is exactly like that.
Everyones favourite Tolkien dwarf turned singing superstar, Susan Boyle, was releasing a new album, and whatever pr whiz was in charge of the social media campaign came up with the hashtag “Susan album party” only as we all know with hashtags you cant put spaces in them. So we were left with “susanalbumparty”
I’ll wait here while you read that over a few times.
The worst thing is that this could have been so easily avoided if they just put Boyle in with the hashtag, but alas they did not and the anal bum party was born. I dont know how this wasn’t caught earlier because after just a cursory glance at it, at the very least the word bum leaps out. also, huge bummer (yes!) for anyone named Su that was hoping to really amp up the excitment and promotion for their freaky deaky party on Twitter. Either it was a total bust, or a lot of very confused Susan Boyle fans showed up.
This one went largely unoticed mainly because anyone who was going to celebrate the release of a susan boyle album is likely still convinced that cameras steal your soul, so I doubt they are avid Twitter users.
4. Spaghettios Vs Pearl Harbour
This didnt make much of a blip on the world stage, but it was a really baffling fiasco. It was brought to my attention by my friend Scott who is unhealthly obsessed with the Spagehitt o’s twitter account, Because yes, there is a Spaghettios twitter account. What an exciting time we live in.
In Scotts defence it is really quite something. Everything on it screams that it’s being run by a 46 year old ad executive who has a very loose grasp on how social media as a whole works. This scandal is proof positive of that.
On the anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbour this is what Spagehitti o’s decided to tweet:
The cartoon image of a gigantic pasta ring shaking an American flag really sums up the entire tragedy of Pearl Harbour. My favourite part about it is that its tongue is sticking out and licking its horrible gaping maw of pasta in demented delight about the whole situation. I say “it” because theres no way this thing has genitals and if it does, I dont want to know about it.
The utter idiocy involved in this is mind blowing. There were several steps to this. Someone came up with the idea, and told someone to draw it, and then unleash it on the entire world and no one at any point stopped and said “what are we doing. We sell pasta” Spaghettios should stick to doing what they do best: selling mediocre pasta dishes to poor people. this is a perfect example of why Twitter is not for everyone.
The company quickly pulled it down and apologized but since its the internet, that hilariously upsetting image is still out there. Luckily for Spaghettios no one has cared about them since 1963 and they remained relatively unscathed. But it gave us something so much more. Years later we can look back and say “Remember when the social media account for a pasta company released an insensitive drawing of their mascot to commemerate the horrible events that occured at Pearl Harbour?” and that my friends is something money cannot buy.